Food & Drink

Might as well make a start

I think I’ll go out tonight and have a few pints. Between the scrofula, the beri-beri and the scurvy, I’ve been stuck in the bed all week and the fucking leeches have my skin destroyed. I’ll nip in to some fine establishment and have maybe three pints with an option on a fourth. Jimbo might be interested, and maybe the Balinese Pro-Consul. I’m hoping Joe-the-Racist goes into town as is his wont on a Wednesday, especially as I want to catch him about finishing my kitchen. He’s only a racist in the sense that he hates everybody, which of course includes people of ethnicity other than his own. I suppose we should really call him Joe-the-Misanthropist, but he hates that.

What do you make of this new Guinness Piss-Strength they’ve piloted in Limerick? It’s 2.8% alcohol, as opposed to the usual 4.7%, but it’s the same price. Also, Guinness are totally adamant that this has nothing to do with drinking and driving. Nothing.

Dum dum dum dee dum dee dee dee dum dum . . .

OK. Let me get this straight now. You walk into a bar and pay the same money to get half as drunk. That’s the first scenario. Same money, half as drunk. Right, I’ve got that. Good.

Or. You walk into a bar, have twice as many pints and drive home. With the same liquor in your belly.

OK, Mr Guinness, which is it?
Scenario One: Same Money But Half As Drunk.
Scenario Two: Twice The Pints And Still No Taxi.

It has to be number one, doesn’t it? No vast multinational corporation could possibly be that hypocritical.

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