Tonight, I thought I’d start by bringing you a few quotes from the great man, Micheál Ó Muircheartaigh. No introduction needed.
Here we go:-
“… and Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, I’ll tell ye a little story. I was in Times Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newsstand and I said ‘I suppose ye wouldn’t have the Kerryman would ye?’ To which, the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said ‘do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?’… he had both…so I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet…”
“Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down – his people are undertakers”.
“I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner Street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them, the priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! 40 yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Ciaran Whelan goes on a rampage, it’s a goal. So much for religion”.
“Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. It’s over the bar. This man shouldn’t be playing football. He’s made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn’t kick points like Colin Corkery”.
“1-5 to 0-8..well from Lapland to the Antarctic, that’s level scores in any man’s language”.
“Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now … but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail …… I’ve seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!”
“I see John O Donnell dispensing water on the sideline. Tipperary, sponsored by a water company. Cork Sponsored by a tae company. I wonder will they meet later for afternoon tae”.
“Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy”.
“Danny The Yank Culloty. He came down from the mountains and hasn’t he done well”.
“He grabs the sliotar, he’s on the 50……he’s on the 40……he’s on the 30……. he’s on the ground”.
“In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball”.
“He kicks the ball lán san aer, could’ve been a goal, could’ve been a point………….it went wide”.
“Stephen Byrne with the puck out for Offaly….Stephen, one of 12……all but one are here to-day, the one that’s missing is Mary, she’s at home minding the house…..and the ball is dropping i lár na bpáirce….”
“Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliotar, I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal, the dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide….. and the dog lost as well”.
“Seán Óg Ó hAilpín…. his father’s from Fermanagh, his mother’s from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold”.
“Teddy McCarthy to John McCarthy, no relation, John McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation”.
“And that’s it for another All Ireland Day, never have such scenes been seen in Croke Park as the day Tyrone lifted the Sam Maguire, but credit must go to Armagh, cos lets face it, they’re going to need a lot of credit in the weeks and years to come.”
And while we’re on a general Gaaaa sort of thing, here’s something I stole:
A Gaaaaaa glossary for the Big Match.
Mighty – very good
Hames – a right fuck-up – eg.”he made a hames of that clearance”
Timber – intimidation of a hurling opponent
Welt – swing at
Lamp – a good thump
A Crowd – eg. “that crowd from Cavan are a right shower of bollixes”
Schkelp – a good thump
Bullin’ – angry. eg. “the centre half back was bullin’ after I lamped him”
Bull thick – very angry
Joult – a push
Joshel – a shoulder push
The Comm-it-eeee – Local GAA fuckers in general
Bushted – eg. “Jayz me arm is bushted”
The Bomber – a very popular nickname for a GAA player
A hang sangwidge – consumed with tay on the sides of roads after matches in Croker or Clones.
Citeog – he hit it with his citeog. ie. left handed/footed
Warp – hit something hard as in “I’ll fuckin warp you”
Blasht – A great amount of anything.
Rake – Also a great amount of anything, usually pints of Guinness
A Schemozzle – a group of players shkelpin’ one another but not exactly hittin’ anyone at the same time! (Probably an import from the heavily Jewish-influenced New York Gaaaaa)
Flakin’ – usually goes on for a whole game….. eg. “Jayz Gareth Curran Gave John Ryan an awful flakin’ below in Halton on Sunday”. (To “flake”a lad for a whole game usually starts off with a bit of “joshellin'” and “joultin'” and develops into a bit of “weltin'” and may even result in a good “lampin'” for the victim especially if he gets”bull thick”.)
Flakin’ – Alternative meaning: Excellent. eg Jaysus, that’s a flakin’ trailer!
Name-a-jaysus – What was that for, referee?
Ya-bollix-ya – Corner back’s formal recognition of a score by his opponent
Mullocker – untidy or awkward players
Horsed – bout of rough play or intimidatory tactics as in we horsed them out of it. Sometimes referred to as kicking/batin’ the shite out of the opposing team.
Horse – untidy or rough player. There’s one in every club
Burst the cunt- Common exhortation also referred to as the Turlough roar.
Row – Fight involving four or more players swinging hurls like lunatics
Massive Row – Row involving both team, substitutes and supporters jumping fences
Running Row – A massive row that continues out in the parking area and or dressing room areas.
Bata – eg “I gave it bata” – I put a fair bit of effort into it
Stomached – surprised. “Jaysus when he came up behind me I was awful stomached”
Bollix – Pat Spillane
Here’s a few Gaaaaa quotes:
“I love Cork so much that if I caught one of their hurlers in bed with my missus, I’d tiptoe downstairs and make him a cup of tea”- Joe Lynch, actor.
“I’m not giving away any secrets like that to Tipperary. If I had my way, I wouldn’t even tell them the time of the throw-in” – Ger Loughnane.
“Whenever a team loses, there’s always a row at half time but when they win, it’s an inspirational speech” –John O’ Mahony.
“The wheel fell off my mobile home” — Offaly’s Eugene McGee explains why he was late for training.
‘We’re taking this match awful seriously.We’re training three times a week now, and some of the boys are off the beer since Tuesday’ -Offaly hurler quote in the week before a Leinster hurling final vs. Kilkenny
‘Ger Loughnane was fair, he treated us all the same during training. Like dogs’ – anonymous Clare hurler
Any chance of an autograph? Its for the wife….she really hates you’ -Tipp fan to Ger Loughnane
‘You can’t win derbies with donkeys’ – Babs Keating before Tipp played Cork in 1990
Sheep in a heap’ – Babs Keating description of Offaly in 1998.
‘Babs Keating ‘resigned’ as coach because of illness and fatigue. The players were sick and tired of him’ – Offaly fan in 1998
‘Meath make football a colourful game-you get all black and blue’ – another Cork fan 1988
‘Colin Corkery is deceptive. He is slower than he looks’ – Kerry fan
Life isn’t all beer and football…some of us haven’t touched a football in months’ – Kerry player during league campaign 1980s
And finally . . . .especially for Limerick people. A quote from Michael Cusack, founder of the Gaaaaaaa!!!
Cusack, who will be familiar to many readers as the inspiration for The Citizen in the Cyclops chapter of Ulysses, described rugby as a denationalising plague carrying on through winter the work of ruin that cricket was doing through the summer. This is why Michael Cusack is almost idolised in Limerick City.