There’s a porn starlet called Paizley Adams. Did you know that?
I think that’s great: big Ian and Gerry, together and made flesh, so to speak, in the ample form of somebody who has also been known as Annie Bunz and Bobby Adore. Don’t you think that’s great? The big old miserable Free Presbyterian who doesn’t want people playing football on Sundays, and the equally dour Adams who’s probably just as puritanical in his own miserable guilt-ridden Catholic way.
Here’s the lovely Paizley Adams for you:
Even more delicious is the fact that this girl’s family originated in Dunfermline (or Dunfermline, Scotland, for our American visitors) although I haven’t been able to determine what their religion was. This is a pity as it would have provided a nice symmetry to discover that they were Catholics.
Of course, this has been a closely-guarded secret for many years, but it’s also the story of the North that daren’t be told until now. This is the story of how a bigoted, rabble-rousing old clergyman and a former murdering IRA chief of staff found a love together so pure and so extreme that it prospered in spite of all opposition and eventually became so intense that it had to take on human shape. And the shape it chose was that of a beautiful young pornographic actress. Paizley Adams.
This, as you know, is a momentous day in Irish history. Today, the leaders of the two major traditions in Northern Ireland came together (so to speak) and issued a joint statement of their intent to form a government.
Bock was there.
Doctor Paisley, I shouted above the din of reporters, Mr Adams. Will you now reveal your true love for each other so that all the world can see?
Big Ian looked down on me, as only big Ian can. Never!! he roared.
Gerry just smiled and squeezed Ian’s hand. Our day will come, he whispered fondly as the Big Man wiped away a tear.