Ian and Gerry – closer than you think

There’s a porn starlet called Paizley Adams. Did you know that?

I think that’s great: big Ian and Gerry, together and made flesh, so to speak, in the ample form of somebody who has also been known as Annie Bunz and Bobby Adore. Don’t you think that’s great? The big old miserable Free Presbyterian who doesn’t want people playing football on Sundays, and the equally dour Adams who’s probably just as puritanical in his own miserable guilt-ridden Catholic way.

Here’s the lovely Paizley Adams for you:

Even more delicious is the fact that this girl’s family originated in Dunfermline (or Dunfermline, Scotland, for our American visitors) although I haven’t been able to determine what their religion was. This is a pity as it would have provided a nice symmetry to discover that they were Catholics.

Of course, this has been a closely-guarded secret for many years, but it’s also the story of the North that daren’t be told until now. This is the story of how a bigoted, rabble-rousing old clergyman and a former murdering IRA chief of staff found a love together so pure and so extreme that it prospered in spite of all opposition and eventually became so intense that it had to take on human shape. And the shape it chose was that of a beautiful young pornographic actress. Paizley Adams.

This, as you know, is a momentous day in Irish history. Today, the leaders of the two major traditions in Northern Ireland came together (so to speak) and issued a joint statement of their intent to form a government.

Bock was there.

Doctor Paisley, I shouted above the din of reporters, Mr Adams. Will you now reveal your true love for each other so that all the world can see?

Big Ian looked down on me, as only big Ian can. Never!! he roared.

Gerry just smiled and squeezed Ian’s hand. Our day will come, he whispered fondly as the Big Man wiped away a tear.

kick it on kick.ie

10 thoughts on “Ian and Gerry – closer than you think

  1. The current issue of Phoenix makes a similar point.

    He says something like “The split between the two sides runs very deep”, and she says “Well, thank you”.

  2. O monstrous! O horrible!

    Who do you think goes on top?

    Do you think their religious zeal is neutralized in the act of love? Like acid reacting with alkali, leaving a pair of gentle Buddhists for half an hour of post-coital cuddling? Do you think birds suddenly appear every time they are near each other? Their daughter certainly looks like a warm and loving girl with no hate in her heart.

    Or does their union just add to their individual powers? I feel a chill suddenly and yet I’m thousands of miles away in California. Oh mammydaddymammydaddy, don’t let it be true!

  3. thank you, bock…i wondered how ya’ll were feeling about the news…(and thank you for the geography lesson/explanation)

  4. I’m rather worried to see that said porn starlet seems to have a rather prominent adam’s apple. Also, quite a square chin and some fairly manish arms. It begs the question, what’s she reaching for?

    Just what sort of porn have you been ‘utilising’ Bock?

  5. Never mind PM. I’m (the perfect/authentic symmetry between the divide) form a mixed marriage.We had to put up with getting the shite kicked (metaphorically and literally speaking) out of us, from both sides. In fact I wrote that song for Joni Mitchell: ‘I’ve looked at life from both sides now win and lose and still some how..’and I wanted to write “it’s life’s illusions I recall, We really all know life’s a balls…..but fuck it it’s a start.

  6. George: Thank you for the information. We don’t take that particular organ.

    Sam: Glad I could brighten your day with strange thoughts.

    Savannah: You’re welcome

    Mr Trousers: Unionism

    Paddy: Jaysus, you’re not the other love-child, are you?

    MJ: Must look it up.

    O’Feck: Thanks. Did you get the last cheque? Was it enough?

  7. Mr Bock, your analogy is creepy but perceptive.

    According to her bio on Wikipedia, she is bisexual. She also appears to a nymphomaniac and an exhibitionist who will do absolutely anything, no matter how revolting, for money.

    At least she’s honest about it, even if she does claim to be 20 and has a name which sounds made up. Mind you, I have an acquaintance in Arizona whose daughter’s middle name is “Rocketship”, so you never know.

    P.S. Memo to self: do not visit even the gateways to porn sites. They leave you feeling soiled.

  8. Mr Warmington: I’m glad you find my analogy creepy. Thank you.

    With reference to Miss Adams, I understand that, in America, no name is too improbable. I gather that every girl is now given a surname as a forename and,failing that, a placename.

    As regards the lady’s willingness to do anything for money, no matter how revolting, I’m at a bit of a loss. This could easily describe all Wall Street traders, all Irish politicians, every lawyer on the planet and me.

    I am sorry you soiled yourself while visiting porn gateways.

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