Here’s a question for you: what popular food item has absolutely no nutritional value, contributes nothing at all to your health or wellbeing, is entirely unnecessary, pollutes your environment and costs a fortune to clean up?
I’ll give you another hint.
The government originally decided to impose a litter tax on this stuff to cover the staggering costs of removing its residue, but caved in to political pressure from the manufacturers and opted instead for what it called a public awareness campaign.
That’s right: chewing gum.
Go on then. Tell me what it’s good for.
Is it to help dimwitted fifteen-year-olds look even more stupid than their inbred genes already made them? Certainly. There’s nothing like a stupid teenager gawping at you on the bus as its jaw goes round and round. What a beautiful sight.
Does it help Alex Ferguson win football matches? Yes, but fuck him!
Maybe it helps Macgyver to catch a piranha that he then stuffs into a leaking tank of prussic acid, saving an Amazonian tribe from evil loggers and providing the villagers with a crate of life-saving Virgin-Mary holy dynamite.
OK. I’ll give you that. Chewing gum is ok for heroes in the Amazon, but what about here and now? Walk down any street in the country and look at the fucking shit stuck to the pavement. Look at it! For fucksake, what is wrong with these people?
Here’s a thought: if the fools who buy this shit can’t be trusted with it, if it isn’t addictive and provides no nutrition at all . . .
Well . . . ?
Why the fuck is it legal? Never mind public awareness campaigns. The half-wits who spit out this stuff all over our streets have no awareness of anything.
Ban the shit like we banned smoking in pubs and sort it out once and for all. As I said, it isn’t addictive. There won’t be a black market. You won’t see shoot-outs between members of rival gum-dealing families.
And you know what the gum-chewers can do? That’s right. They can fuck off.
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