Stamp Out Sticky Streets

Here’s a question for you: what popular food item has absolutely no nutritional value, contributes nothing at all to your health or wellbeing, is entirely unnecessary, pollutes your environment and costs a fortune to clean up?

I’ll give you another hint.

The government originally decided to impose a litter tax on this stuff to cover the staggering costs of removing its residue, but caved in to political pressure from the manufacturers and opted instead for what it called a public awareness campaign.

That’s right: chewing gum.

Go on then. Tell me what it’s good for.

Is it to help dimwitted fifteen-year-olds look even more stupid than their inbred genes already made them? Certainly. There’s nothing like a stupid teenager gawping at you on the bus as its jaw goes round and round. What a beautiful sight.

Does it help Alex Ferguson win football matches? Yes, but fuck him!

Maybe it helps Macgyver to catch a piranha that he then stuffs into a leaking tank of prussic acid, saving an Amazonian tribe from evil loggers and providing the villagers with a crate of life-saving Virgin-Mary holy dynamite.

OK. I’ll give you that. Chewing gum is ok for heroes in the Amazon, but what about here and now? Walk down any street in the country and look at the fucking shit stuck to the pavement. Look at it! For fucksake, what is wrong with these people?

Here’s a thought: if the fools who buy this shit can’t be trusted with it, if it isn’t addictive and provides no nutrition at all . . .

Well . . . ?

Why the fuck is it legal? Never mind public awareness campaigns. The half-wits who spit out this stuff all over our streets have no awareness of anything.

Ban the shit like we banned smoking in pubs and sort it out once and for all. As I said, it isn’t addictive. There won’t be a black market. You won’t see shoot-outs between members of rival gum-dealing families.

And you know what the gum-chewers can do? That’s right. They can fuck off.

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Related post: Bock Receives Death Threat

27 thoughts on “Stamp Out Sticky Streets

  1. I fucking hate gum chewing. It makes you look vacant and I don’t want to see a wad of glop in your mouth like Britney-fucking-Spears. Plus all that chewing makes your belly distended like a starving baby. Ick.

  2. Singapore successfully banned it in 1992. It was supposedly costing them $100 million a year to clean up after gum chewers. In 2004, pressure from Wrigley’s, in the guise of the US government, (along with a bogus scientific report) allowed financial interests to outweigh environmental concerns and Singapore revised the law to allow ‘medicinal gum,’ such as Orbit (oh please, give me a break!). GW Bush himself personally intervened in this case. Like he has nothing more important to do…?

  3. Well I have to say Senor Bockmeister, you’ve definitely given us all something to chew on.

    Sorry, didn’t you know? Puns are the new black.

  4. I used to hate chewing gum too, but then I got chronic gingervitis and I had to chew after meals. It really did cure me, I think. Although I still have the orange hair.

    But yeah, BAN IT BAN IT! Gingers like me can get it on prescription.

  5. It’s yuk I hate when it gets stuck on your shoe and the smell of it is grotesque. I was in Singapore a couple of years back and the streets are so much different without it, you really do notice.

  6. True, im a mint man meself, but the chewing gum does wonders against the ol’ nicotine craving when I decide to quit every-so-often.

    But, just to be a pedantic wee fucker, should McDonalds/ BK/ any chippy not be banned as well then? – minimal nutritional value and a huge cause of litter in towns around the country.

  7. The old road from Dublin to Galway used to go past a gum plant in Kilcock. The smell out of it was atrocious.
    Offer the Yanks a choice – we ban their military flights into Shannon or their gum…* which would they prefer? And no whining to the WTO.

    *yes, I know we should ban both.

  8. Medbh: What a lovely picture you paint.

    Mr Darwin: Well then. If Singapore caved in, what chance have we that our crooked bunch of wasters would do anything about it?

    Mr Pagano: The unpalatable truth?

    Primal Sneeze: You mean people with hairy backs? I hate that too.

    Annie: God. That’s even worse than gloopy footpaths.

    Nonny: Well, according to Mr Darwin, it’s back in Singapore.

    Sheepworrier: Yes. MacDonalds should be forced to use edible wrappers. But apart from that, burger wrappers aren’t made of sticky rubber.

    Conan: That’s right. It’s the Leaf factory. Disgusting. Have to agree with you though: ban both.

  9. I agree about banning gum. It’s an affectation picked up by Irish kids from watching TV and films. Like a whole lot of other “cool” things.

    But Singapore is scary. They do things to you for jaywalking. And drugs and firearms offences carry a mandatory death sentence. They have the highest execution rate in the world, relative to population size.

    Remember that time when some wealthy American kid sprayed grafitti all over someone’s car in Singapore when he was on holiday there (or did he scratch it?) He was sentenced to a dozen lashes or some such … probably deserved it. Clinton interfered (intervened?) in that case. I don’t remember the outcome but I think maybe the young man was shipped home.

    We could take a leaf or two out of Singapore’s book — but not too many. I don’t fancy firing squads at dawn. Or hanging tourists who are found at Dublin airport with one too many Valium on them and no prescription.

  10. How about those boffins at UCC who have developed a bio-degradable gum. At least the stuff would deteriorate and disappear over a short time. I was trying to find out on the net about how long it took for regular gum to degrade and couldn’t find the data. Did come across an item on BBC/News entitled “Chewing gum can enhance breasts”. This has made me more adamant that gum should be banned, my breasts are big enough.

  11. It should be banned ans sure didn’t the Government try to put a levy on its sales but the Americans treathened sacntions . In the end we caved due to fear of Long term economic damage.

  12. There is someone at work (quite high up) who chews constantly – the worst is when she calls you on the phone – you hear the chewing and slurping up close and personal – truly gross.

  13. “you hear the chewing and slurping up close and personal”

    I shouldn’t be aroused by that…

  14. Well Mr The Robber I wasn’t convinced til I read that Bush supports it. QED: it’s really, really bad and should be immediately banned and existing stocks sent to Africa to make condoms to reduce the number of black babies who will grow up hungry & miserable coz they live in infertile shitholes that have sold whatever wealth they have to keep their despot leaders living like David Beckham.
    If they don’t ban it at least they should inject it with rat poison. That’d reduce the scumbag population quickly enuogh.

  15. Don’t blame chewing gum bock, its the people who are lazy and disrespectful to their surroundings. Its the same attitude that makes Irelands roads and streets a rubbish tip.

    For shame

  16. Galwaywegian: Shit-flavoured gum? Good research by you.

    Nora: I wouldn’t mind a high execution rate here for a while.

    QJS: Great. When those boffins (“boffins”!!!) invent the good gum, we can unban it. But until then, out with the shit.

    Annie: Ah, you’re so good.

    Macdara: Imagine. The country’s economic hanging on a thread of chewing gum. What does that tell you?

    Conortje: Thanks for putting that picture in my head.

    Sheepworrier: You might go out worrying sheep.

    Dan Dare: Poison gum! I like the way you’re thinking.

    Dr Maroon: It doesn’t. It turns into rats’ tails. You should know that.

    Niall: That’s what I said. The fuckers can’t be trusted with it. It’s a pollutant. Ban it.

    Dick: Do you test a lot of old fillings?

  17. nail the fucker bok!! report him, all you were doin was minding ur own business and here this toss comes and fecke you out of it!! twit!! im delighted you have his details and if I was you id publicise them!

  18. anyway…chewing gum on every inch of cruises street I can handle, its the charity collecting fuckers who pounce on you unawares I cant stand!

  19. there are so many rats at home and i am looking for a really good rat poison-“,

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