It’s been a while since I updated you on Scunthorpe United.

Did you know they got promoted?

Well, they did. Now they’re in the Championship, which is the old Second Division. So there!

They reside in the same territory as West Brom, Watford Elton John, and Wolves. Astounding. Did we ever think we’d see it?

Voices off: Eh, well no, actually.

Fuck off, Voices Off. Scunny made it. They’re here and they’re going nowhere else.

Unfortunately, they seem to be back to their old ways, and today they lost 3-1 to Elton John United, placing themselves in their usual slot at mid table. Number 11 out of 24.

Ah shit, it’s what they’re used to. Why complain?

Time to call Wrinkly Joe and see when we’re heading over to England for a Scunthorpe United game. Happy days.


5 thoughts on “Scunts

  1. Ah the headiness, the not-quite-believable, breathless exhilaration of it all; one notch below the Premiership for the Irons. And all in time to celebrate next month’s 35th anniversary of Scunthorpe’s proudest international moment when two (not ONE; but TWO – count them: one, two) ex-Scunny players made their England debut in the same match; the record books have it thus:

    Wales versus England
    Ninian Park, Cardiff.
    15th November 1972.
    Highlights: Colin Bell cashed in on clever approach work by Alan Ball to score the decisive winning goal in the first-half of this World Cup qualifying match. Liverpool team-mates Ray Clemence and Kevin Keegan made quiet debuts in what was Sir Alf Ramsey’s 100th match as manager. A feature of the game was the way Peter Storey snuffed out the challenge of Wales dangerman Leighton James with a controlled, man-to-man containing role. Keegan, conspicuous with his bubble-permed hair, had a golden opportunity to mark his debut with a last-minute goal, but Leeds goalkeeper Gary Sprake whipped the ball off his toes as he attempted to dribble the ball into the net. It was a memorable night for both Keegan and Clemence, who had each started their careers in the football outpost of Scunthorpe United.
    England won 1-0; Full England Team: Clemence; Storey; Hughes; Hunter; McFarland; Moore (captain); Keegan; Chivers; Marsh; Bell; Ball

    (I suspect the “football outpost” slur hurts, but nonetheless I trust that the Bockmeister shall be suitably bubble-permed on Thursday, 15th November next in not-so-quiet remembrance of the (single) remarkable contribution made by Scunny-issue to the international associated football scene).

  2. Interesting to look at the Scunny-issues’ records as England captain – setting Ray Clemence aside (he captained England once and they lost), Keegan was amazingly successful – captained England 31 times during which they won 17, drew 6 and lost 8 – a 64.5% win rate, which ain’t half bad. For the admiration that the English have for Ian Botham, it is surprising that as an England Cricket Captain he was such a dud – captained England 12 times, won None, drew 8 and lost 4.

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