More Motoring Problems

No, said the maniac mechanic.  That won’t do.

Why not?

Because it’s a piece of shite, he said, looking at the second-hand turbocharger like Robert Ford might stare at a recently-murdered Jesse James.

It’s fine, I said.

It’s not, he insisted.  Look at the free play on that shaft.  It’ll explode like the old one.

Fuck, I muttered.

Indeed, he nodded.

And that was how I found myself  sharing my misery with Parkenstein.

Turbo’s fucked.

Not to worry.  You have the Nut’s BMW.

No.  I haven’t.


No.  The fuckin alternator gave up on the BMW.  And the power steering.  We think it’s probably the belt tensioner.


Shit, indeed.

Look, Parkenstein said.  I have an idea.


Why don’t we go for a pint?

Now he was talking my language.  To the little-frequented semi-rural pub where everybody turns around to look at you when you walk in and if you’re a stranger you feel completely naked?

The same.

Excellent, I assented.  Let’s go.  Now!!

It isn’t a long walk to the  little-frequented semi-rural pub where everybody turns around to look at you when you walk in and if you’re a stranger you feel completely naked, so we set off with a light heart  as one does when meandering out for a pint on a fine spring evening.

Look here, old man, said Parkenstein.  If you’re stuck for transport, you can always have the ridiculous little Japanese import  fake sports-car with the glass roof that I bought years ago and left lying around outside my house to upset the residents’ association.

The one that stinks of mould and lets in water when it rains?

That one.

Perfect.  Thanks.

And that’s why I’m now travelling around in a little thing with a glass roof and gull-wing doors that feels like you’re driving a fucking Go-Kart.

Jesus, I want my truck back.



Turbo Trouble

The Laughing Mechanic

9 thoughts on “More Motoring Problems

  1. Talking of motoring difficulties, I got rear-ended yesterday. By a Garda. From the traffic corps.
    I’m only glad I never had that pint after work!

  2. So they’ve started already, have they? They didn’t wait long to take revenge on bloggers who criticised Bertie.

  3. It could be worse Bock. My brother is 6ft 2 and a very big man and had to drive around in a Fiat 500 for a spell. Remember them? He nearly had to be folded into the thing and unfolded out of it. Its a real confidence killer to drive around in a grannymobile! And i’ve nothing against grannies.

  4. There is a radio show here called ‘The Car Guys’.. They have two cardinal rules to buying a car.
    1) Don’t buy a diesel.
    2) Don’t buy a turbo.
    So go get a Bugatti Veyron and quit messing with the old turbo.

  5. i’m with conan, please post a picture, sugar! on the up side, at least you know people who have a spare car to loan out. i end up having to rent one!

  6. Mr Darwin: The Maybach is too ostentatious for a man of my modest demeanour.

    Red Mist: I’ll be wearing my usual lounge suit.

    Gilly: I hope I never have anything against grannies either.

    Conan: All right. Perhaps I will.

    Brian: Looks like I’m totally fucked then. I’m not sure if a Bugatti Veyron would suit my understated style.

    Savannah: True. You’d have to wonder why they have spare cars though.

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