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Hallelujah My Fucking Arse!

So the X-Factor cretins have got their hands on yet another fine song and dragged it down to their own brainless level of unthinking banality, have they?

Great.  Fucking great.

Now we have Leonard Cohen’s magnificent creation inhabiting the same level of karaoke pap as the Wind Beneath My Fucking Wings.  Jesus Christ, is that the future?  Will we have every half-witted trainee beautician in the country screaming Hallelujah in that bizarre Southern-United-States accent heard only on talent contests?  Hallelujah and hoop earrings forever intertwined. 

Wonderful.

And all because hopeless, talentless loudmouths like Simon Cowell dictate that it shall be so.  Gobshites like Louis Walsh and Sharon Fucking Osbourne, for fucksake!

Tell me something — how did Simon Cowell’s opinion come to count for anything?  Or Louis Walsh, or Sharon Osbourne?  Three fucking apes: a self-important, bombastic arsehole, a slithering two-faced slimeball and a leathery old bat who made a career out of putting up with Ozzy Smashed-out-of-my-face Osbourne. 

Yes, yes, yes.  I now realise, thanks to feedback from net-friends, that Sharon has been gone for a while, but so fucking what?  Is someone suggesting that Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole are any less vacuous or any less in thrall to the cult of the mindless?  After all, this entire thing is the brainchild of Cowell, the king of mediocrity.

I don’t blame Alexandra Burke for winning the thing.  The poor girl clearly has all the qualities necessary to become Karaoke Queen, and God knows, it has to be better than hairdressing, but I’ll tell you one thing.

Whitney fucking Houston has a lot to answer for.

 

_______________

Elsewhere:

Gavin doesn’t agree …

… and neither does Sweary

26 replies on “Hallelujah My Fucking Arse!”

A proposal for the ‘new words’ section of the Oxford English Dictionary:

To X-factor (s.t.). A transitive verb.- ‘to drag s.t. down to a brainless level of unthinking banality’.

I’m impressed that you haven’t noticed they’ve managed an entire series of X-Factor without Sharon Osbourne.

What say you of the other judges, Kylie’s little sister and the other girl, the one aloud?

Gavin — I’m afraid we’re not going to find common ground there. In my opinion, it’s worse than awful: they’ve achieved the impossible and made a fine song dull.

Eagle — I’ve managed fairly well, but there’s no escaping them in the end.

Virgin — What a splendid idea!

Eolaí — An entire series? I’ve managed to miss the whole fucking lot until now.

i weep at the fact that shiteous, as you tend to describe, things like the x-bloody-factor are moulding todays tweenies and tomorrows rule makers and breakers..

cannot.stand.it.

it’s utter melodramatic shite

if Diana had made it to the final she would have belted out a fairly decent version. I heard her rendition in the auditions and it was far superior to the Alexandra’s abomination. Having said that, the only version pour moi is Jeff Buckley. It brings me to my knees!

jeff buckley’s version is awesome. As for the x factor it is the most boring fake bs I think I’ve ever seen in my life. If it’s on the telly when I come in I have to leave the room. How anyone falls for the glass of water throwing on top of botoxed faces and thinks its real is beyond me. Danii Minogue judging people’s singing? God help me. My dog would have a better ear for music than her and he’s deaf.

There should be a fuckin law that trite talentless fuckwits and their moral-less blood sucking management would be tarred and feathered when they dare touch musical classics like this. I heard it this morning and it made my ears bleed.

Leonard should sue.

Listen pop-pickers live music is back in a big way. No matter where you live there is a pub/club near you where there are young talented musicians playing ORIGINAL material. Please, for one night, drag yourself away from the mindless garbage that is x-factor or one of it’s witless fellow travellers and check it out. You might even enjoy yourself.

i felt hurt, thats the only way to describe it when i heard they were weaving their wicked web into “hallelujah” whereas leonard cohen is the genius who wrote it, all 27 verses that he originally wrote, i have to say jeff buckley brings me to my core, although, john cale and kd lang have sung very acceptable versions, just to test and punish myself further i did watch it on sat night, mea culpa, that boy group, apparantly, i was told initially very bluesy until uncle louis got his musically corrupt little paws on them, were more sincere than alexandra.
for me “hallelujah” is the greatest love song of all time and i wont let anyone corrupt it or change that.
maybe lennie had to let them use it after his accountant ripped him off so badly ??

Glitterkitty — It’s about time we stood up and made a dignified protest, followed by a lynching, followed by tearing Louis Walsh into little pieces.

Trinity — Thanks

Elle — Fake is a very good word for it.

Eva — Leonard is too much of a gentleman.

Raptureponies — Car-crash talent competition.

BrianMc — You’re right. There are young, talented bands everywhere, and yet people still go for the anodyne, meaningless, pre-packaged shite. I suppose it’s the same as the food they eat.

Norma — Killin’ the blues?

so, i voiced my reaction to “hallelujah” but what i found profoundly shocking on sat night was when they brought on the entrants, who were their “worst and most bizaar” choice of entrants, it was abundantly clear that most of these people were compromised in various ways, this surely is just so monumentally wrong, as their performance seemed to be for the benefit of sniggering by the judges, they produced that segment reminiscent of some weird travelling circus, exploiting the innocent, how is it that “politically correct ” minded people don’t jam the airwaves with objections to such blatant exploitation ?
bock nobody can ever kill the blues, but i suppose the “shit eating” purveyors of crass music and the “shit eating” public who buy same, keep the empires of simon c and louis w trundling on.

Leonard Cohen??????
Ah yess he’s the one who did a cover of that song by alexandra on that X Factor… Is nt he????

Thats whats going to fuckin happen, is nt it??!!!!!!!

Its the stalwart march of the inevitable, people. Pop culture is doing to music what photography has done to fine art. Now anyone can pick up a microphone and give it a go in the name of a quick buck in the pocket of some promoter somewhere, leaving the people who push the boundries of the possible in the gutter with the thinkers, scribes and idealistic few who dare to call it for what it is. Art has become content. Packaged in a boy band and sold to pre teen girls who will be embarrassed about it untill the reunion tour and to adults who should really know better.

Under the same logic that we employed when we stopped sending children up chimneys, and down coal mines, we shouldnt expose them to this sort of banal moronism. We are now blind piglets, sucking at the teats of the Loius Walshes of the world after becoming dependant on the dear, sweet sustinance of doing the done thing.

Down with this sort of thing. And I’m not even a fan of Leonard Coen. But I know shite when I smell it.

I think your real enemy is Mariah Carey Bock. All the x-factor kids do that ohhhohhhwoohh thing a la Carey, often murdering a perfectly decent song.
I heard the missus on the phone on sunday, telling her sis that the x factor song was the theme from Shrek. You know there really isnt much you can do about this.

I reckon Lenny is going to have a great big smile from ear to ear when that royalty cheque rolls up.

In any case, he probably didn’t like the Jeff Buckley version (like you Bock) so thought it wouldn’t matter if it went into the realms of “lighter-appreciation”…

What the fuck is the X-Factor anyway ? Is it a disease ? I’m glad I’ve not got it.

Norma — I suppose if there are fucking idiots out there and if they’re willing to be idiots in public, at least we get a laugh out of the whole horror show.

Slom75 — That’s what’s already happened.

Dr Orgasm — It’s part of a dumbing-down process. If you were of a more suspicious mind, you might even think it’s deliberate.

Esso Dee — Yes. I thought of putting Mariah Carey in there as well, but I reckon Whitney started the trend. Maybe I’m wrong.

Russ — Lenny probably winces and tries to be gracious, but I’m glad he’ll get a few shillings out of the freak show. I don’t know what the X-Factor is. It defeats me. Bread and circuses, maybe.

HaHa.As I write a good man on the radio is playing Lenny’s song by the man himself. Trying to explain to the muppetry that i work with that Leonard Cohen exists and never once appeared on X factor sent them into a frenzy.I was then informed that this beautiful song was written for a film called Shrek. Laugh or cry?I dont know any more.

…”written for a film called Shrek”…, Mule Taker, surely a law somewhere exists that entitles you to take whoever said that into a field, have them tied to a cows arse and shit to death.

The X-factor generation summed up in a nutshell.

btw, in a pub on Sat. night after the match, full of Munster and Clermont fans drinking our skulls off while watching the tape of the game when this young wan nearly lost it when informed – in no uncertain manner – that the chances of showing this cretinfest instead was as about as likely to happen as the possibility of Brian O’Driscoll raising the European Cup over his head next May.

So fucking brainwashed that they regard Karaoke as entertainment rather than something that obviously has its origins in Japanese POW camps.

Just watched our Lenny do his song in Dublin 2008 on youtube, just “da bomb”, (is that what the yoof say?).

Also watched KD Lang do the same at the Elton benefit…. knocks all the pretenders into the water!!

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