RTÉ Letter of Apology to Brian Cowen for Nude Picture Report

Dear Taoiseach,

Thank you for your threatening letter in which you make some very valid points.  Thank you also for sending the two large men in ill-fitting suits who were quite courteous in telling me what they intended to do to me if I didn’t broadcast better news about you.

I would like to reassure you that of course I realise you hold the purse strings and that you will sink me without trace if I don’t toe the Fianna Fáil line.

This organisation, as you know, has a proud record of silencing its programme makers if they offended Fianna Fáil ministers, and I have no intention of departing from this tradition.  We axed Scrap Saturday many years ago when it became too irreverent towards your illustrious predecessor, CJ Haughey, and only recently, we chopped Vincent Browne’s radio show after he questioned the Taoiseach too vigorously.  More recently still, we put the squeeze on Nob Nation for being disrespectful towards your magnificent self, and I hope you now find their attitude more to your liking.

Let me also please confirm that I would never permit RTÉ to question the government’s wisdom in any way.  I fully realise that you could have me fired at the drop of a hat and I wouldn’t want that in these challenging times.  After all, apart from working in RTÉ, I have no useful skills and nobody would think of employing me in the real world.

Regarding the criminal artist who placed paintings in art galleries, I condemn his actions without reservation and I have had the news reporters flogged, as you demanded.  I have also placed an obsequious grovelling apology in an endless loop on the main evening news.

I apologise unreservedly for any offence caused to you by these pictures, or by our reporting of the incident, or by anything else that every happened to you in your entire life, anywhere in the world.  I sincerely apologise if anyone, anywhere, ever criticised you or laughed at you or poked fun at your appearance. I apologise for what Ian Paisley said about you.  I apologise if your parents ever disciplined you.  I apologise on behalf of all women if a girl ever turned you down.  I apologise for the hamburger manufacturers of the world, and for Arthur Guinness & Co, and on behalf of the world’s manufacturers of deep-fryers.

Taoiseach, I deeply, humbly, painfully apologise for any offence caused by the publication of these pictures, but if I may say one thing, Taoiseach.  We have searched high and low, throughout the internet and the outternet, and we have been unable to find a single picture of you that would not cause offence.

Please forgive me for saying this, Taoiseach, and don’t have me fired or flogged.  On behalf of RTÉ, let me please apologise without reservation for your appearance, which is of course entirely our fault.

Finally, let me assure you that it is RTÉ’s policy to publish only the news that you and your government wish to have published, and we will never knowingly publish any other sort of news or in any other way criticise your leadership.

Yours Sincerely

Cathal Goan

Director General



All Bock posts here: Cowen Nude

5 thoughts on “RTÉ Letter of Apology to Brian Cowen for Nude Picture Report

  1. the thing that galls me most about this whole farce is that the gardai went into the offices of today fm and demanded the e-mail naming the artist that was sent to the ray d’arcy show back in january. they told the producer that they had orders ”from up high” to get that e-mail and when will hanafin refused they said they’d get a warrant!!!!!!!!!!

    so – the police force of this state work for the fianna fail press office?? for the prime minister of the state?? we know they already work as security guards for an oil company – what next – the rank and file personal massage service for the next FF ard eis?

    this way this whole fucking thing was handled is a fucking joke.

  2. They acted without a warrant?

    “Who can complain?

    If you are directly affected by the conduct of a member of the Garda Síochána that you believe is misbehaviour you can complain to the Garda Ombudsman. You can also make a complaint if you are witness to such behaviour.”

    They acted on “orders from up high”?

    The Ombudsman must find that they acted without cause (there was no legal justification, their action was warrantless, they were on a fishing expedition, on behalf of Brian Cowen & Fianna Fail). Fianna Fail now control the Garda to protect Fianna Fail.

    They must be suspended (on full pay, due process is required).

    The name of the person who gave the order for this extra judicial use of the Garda for the private purposes of a political party must be put in the public domain.


    The Chief Executive of the Radio Station should make the complaint on behalf of the shareholders who have suffered sever financial damage as a result of the action.

  3. What the fuck is it with fianna fail. they’re like creatures that crawled up from the muck with majical powers. They are the most disgustingly evil slimebags to inhabit this island. And they’ve been bugging people and controlling the media for donkeys years. And deValera should be dragged from his grave, brought back to life and publicly hung for handing the control of peoples minds and their children over to the roman catholic church(note I don’t use capital for those cretins). Jesus Christ its like Saruman and Mordor here.

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