Borg Religions

Resistance is …

I was just thinking about the Borg, for some reason.  Resistance is futile.  You will be assimilated. And I was wondering what they’d say if they had an Earth-religion.

What do you reckon?

The Catholic Borg: Resistance is heresy punishable by eternal hellfire and damnation.

The Jewish Borg: Resistance is negotiable.  Maybe today, maybe tomorrow.  Who knows?

The Anglican Borg: Resistance is entirely up to you. Would you like another cake?

The Scientologist Borg : Resistance is what makes the E-Meter work.

The Muslim Borg: Resistance is forbidden.  Death to all resisters!

The Buddhist Borg: Resistance is meaningless.

The Atheist Borg: Resistance is a measure of a material’s opposition to the passage of a steady electric current.

The Agnostic Borg: Resistance is futile.  Or on the other hand, perhaps it isn’t.

The Hindu Borg : Resistance has three heads and an enormous penis.

The Shinto Borg : Resistance is futon.

15 thoughts on “Borg Religions

  1. I think your last one should be Hindi.

    how about
    The Jedi Borg: Resistance leads to futility. Futility leads to resentment. Resentment leads to hatred, and hatred leads to the Dark Side

  2. I love it you’re really trying your best to break the law as many times as you can in one go. How about sticking up something re that dickhead fred phelps. That really wouldn’t matter though because i can call him a dickhead just on the church of lds a pack of freakish fuckhead. That’s how ridiculous this new law is a nut like phelps can call us fags, go protests and funerals of dead soldiers and not be prosecuted on the grounds that it’s his religious belief.

  3. Pastafarian Borg : Resistance is fusilli
    Westboro Baptist Borg : Resistance is gay
    Mormons: Resistance is all the fun things in life
    Quakers : Resistance is *sssssssssh*

  4. [b]Seconds Out July 19th, 2009 12:07 pm

    But the man from Del Monte says yes, Daz[/b]


  5. I believe that this sounds much like the collective anytime I attend a mass…that and the Our Father

    I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
    the Maker of heaven and earth,
    and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:

    Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost,
    born of the virgin Mary,
    suffered under Pontius Pilate,
    was crucified, dead, and buried;

    He descended into hell. [See Calvin]

    The third day He arose again from the dead;

    He ascended into heaven,
    and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty;
    from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

    I believe in the Holy Ghost;
    the holy catholic church;
    the communion of saints;
    the forgiveness of sins;
    the resurrection of the body;
    and the life everlasting.

  6. A more detailed look at Jewish Borgs:

    The Orthodox Borg: Resistance is contrary to the Law.

    The Conservative Borg: Resistance is… well, contrary to the literal reading of the Law… but is what you are doing truly inconsistent with an ever-evolving Halakha to meet your needs? We’ll get back to you on that one.

    The Reform Borg: Resistance is entirely up to you. But try not to go around eating pork in front of everybody.

  7. Even more Jewish Borgs – a look at the frum.

    Resident of Mea Shearim Borg: Resistance will be met by stones and fiery pashkavilim.

    Kahanist Borg: Resistance is indicative of what a plague you are to the Jewish people, you silver spoon fed Askenazi. Not only must you be frum, but must carry an assault rifle to shul to mow down Arabs that get in your way and recite Hallel on the day Yitzhak Rabin was assasinated.

    Aish HaTorah Borg on Campus: Hey kids, resistance isn’t ‘groovy’ – Shabbos is! If you don’t think so, here’s a discounted trip to Israel on us.

    Carlebachian Borg: Resistance is what we are all about.

    Chabad Shluchim Borg: Resistance is really about giving up your hedonistic life, lapsed Catholic girlfriends and laying tefillin instead. Yes, I am fully aware that those Meshichists look like they are on crack.

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