New Olympic Sports – D-day for Padraig Harrington and Katie Taylor

Decision time for new Olympic sports

Make way for Friday’s and Saturday’s sports pages – maybe Bertie, the bollocks, will have an exclusive on it, claiming that we’re guaranteed medals galore at the 2012 and 2016 Olympics – courtesy of Padraig Harrington and Katie Taylor.

katie taylor
Katie Taylor

The Executive Board of the International Olympic Committee (IOC) meet in Berlin this Thursday and Friday where they will make a final decision on which two new sports to be included in the 2016 Olympics Games, by which time half of us will be dead anyway so it won’t matter a fuck.

Squash, rugby union, golf, karate, roller sports, softball and baseball are all vying for two berths at the 31st Olympiad, which will be held in either Chicago, Toyko, Rio de Janeiro or Madrid.

Rio?  How can Brazil afford to host major sporting events when hundreds of thousands of people are living in cardboard boxes?

According to an informed source, a drunk I met last night, sevens rugby is one of the favourites to get the green light. But is sevens rugby really rugby? Rugby is big hairy-arsed carnivores slaughtering each other up front, incidental to the ball. After a few minutes frantically trying to disembowel each other they release the egg to the backs who scamper off, scoring tries and drop-goals and other things.  Sexy things.  Some people use these scores as a sort of barometer on whether you won or lost the game.

Sevens rugby meantime, looks like the subbuteo version.

Golf is another favourite, along with squash. Personally, I’d prefer to watch paint drying on the backdoor than watch golf, but each to their own, although I would have issues with multi millionaire golf players being allowed to compete at the Olympic Games.

Note how the Yanks are trying to pull a fast one by nominating baseball. Everyone knows that only four countries play the game seriously:  the US, Canada, Japan and Cuba.  Where’s the universality? They haven’t a snowball’s.

Karate and softball.  What the fuck is softball? I doubt it.  And as for roller – sports. As John McEnroe might exclaim, “you can’t be serious,” – although considering they have Synchronized Swimming classified as a sport, the IOC are obviously capable of anything — even re-classifying dwarf tossing.

Meanwhile, describing rugby as a “new” Olympic sport is disingenuous – even the watered down sevens version. The oval ball game was an Olympic sport in 1900, 1908, 1920 and 1924.  Unbelievably, the Yanks won it twice, in 1920 and 1924. The French won it in 1900, followed by the Aussies in 1908.  However, rugby lost its Olympic status after the 1924 Games, mainly because it couldn’t attract a sufficient quota of teams.

Meantime, Ireland could be guaranteed at least one medal at the 2012 Olympiad in London if the IOC give women’s boxing the green light in Berlin on Thursday.  It’s expected that the female version of the noble art will make its debut in the English capital over 100 years after men’s boxing became an Olympic sport at the 1904 Games in St Louis.  Paddy Powers bookmakers are so confident that women’s boxing will get the go ahead they’re laying odds of 1/10 on that its going to happen and 5/1 against.

They’re also offering short odds of 4/7 that Ireland’s Katie Taylor will be the only Irish athlete to win gold in 2012.  Taylor,23, is the current World, European and European Union lightweight champion and the 2008 World female boxer of the year. She has won 60 of her last 61 fights.

Other than that she’s useless.

We need new sports to be introduced to the Olympic programme to enhance our chances of improving our medal haul. How about a introducing a 200-metre sprint – except that you have to down five pints of the black stuff before you cross the line, whilst reciting Yeats and knocking out a beat on a bodhran. Amhrán na bhFiann would be resounding across the Olympic village then alright.

Porter-swilling aside, since we competed for the first time as an independent nation – even though the Olympic movement in Ireland is a 32-county venture – at the 1924 Games, we have won a measly eight gold, seven silver and eight bronze medals.  We’re in 51st position in the all time medals won table. The USA are number one with 2,298 medals.

Unfortunately, three of our gold medals were claimed by the swimmer Michelle Smith, whose triple gold and one bronze at the ’96 Games still stands as she did not test positive for anything in Atlanta. However, she was handed a four year ban for tampering with a urine sample in 1998.  She still insists to this day that she did nothing wrong – despite the fact that the only way you’d get an Irish swimmer to win an Olympic medal up to that point would be to unleash a Barracuda in their lane.  Thankfully, she retired soon after taking the piss. But the embarrassment didn’t stop there.

At the 2004 Olympic Games, Cian O’Connor was stripped of his Olympic gold after his mount, Waterford Crystal, was found with performance enhancing drugs in its system, the fucking horse.

In light of the above, hats off to welterweight Michael Carruth. His top of the podium finish at the 1992 Games in Barcelona is the last genuine gold we  won, 17 years ago.

Pat O’Callaghan, a hammer thrower, won two golds at the 1928 and 1932 Games in Amsterdam and Las Angelus, while Bob Tisdale bagged gold in the 400m hurdles, also in Las Angelus. Ronnie Delaney won our last gold in track and field after he left the rest of the world in his slip stream in the 1500m in Melbourne in 1956.

But that’s about it when it comes to Irish athletes finishing on top of the rostrum folks.

I predict that sevens rugby and golf, yawn, will get the nod from the IOC for 2016. Squash, not a bad game at all, at all, has an outside chance.

17 thoughts on “New Olympic Sports – D-day for Padraig Harrington and Katie Taylor

  1. Or we could actually fund shooting sports properly. We’ve won the team gold in the World Championships in 2002 and the individual silver in the World Championships in 2008 and I’ve lost count of the team and individual gold, silver and bronze medals we’ve picked up in World Cups over the last eight years, all in Olympic Shotgun.

    But it uses guns y’see, so it’s bad and evil and we can’t be having it… so we cut its funding by over 50% last year, before the budget cutbacks for the ISC were announced.

    Only in Ireland…

  2. *hehe*

    But no, I wasn’t kidding. We have some of the top olympic shotgun shooters in the world in this country and we ignore them completely.

  3. 2012 isn’t a long way away. Most olympic sports are so demanding that their athletes work off of six-year training plans to get up to the level needed for medalling in the games.

  4. Katie…”apart from that that she’s useless”…..say that to her face,would ya?….heh

  5. Mark, I though Noriad were funding shooting sports on the this island, until the Good Friday agreement
    came along and fucked up everything?

    Meantime, a fiver down with the lot of ye that my predictions in above piece are right. Women’s boxing, rugby
    and golf to become Olympic sports…..

  6. Golf ! …and to think I used look forward to the Olympics once. Now it’s becoming an international jokeshop.

    As for Rugby 7’s – ffs, Sevens always was and always should have been the game you played during the last sunday of the season out in your club, teams drawn by straws containing one senior forward – on the wing naturally – while the nancy-boy inside centre would be given a small taste of life in a pack of (admittedly) three, but enough to traumatise him for the summer months. A couple of junior and alcohol dependant thirds players, a fast little fucker or two from the under 20’s to do the running/passing/tackling/scoring, etc. and at least four over-the-hill players whose sideline duties of cider purchasing were far more important than their on-field heart attack could ever justify.

    And they want to make that an Olympic sport. Fuck me I might get a medal out of this lark yet.

  7. Didn’t I predict in above piece that women’s boxing, rugby sevens and golf would make it, didn’t I? Below is today’s (Aug 13)statement from the International Olympic Committee (IOC) – write back and tell me I was on the ball, have got my finger on the pulse, etc etc, say nice things etc etc.

    ———————-

    The IOC Executive Board proposes 2 additional sports for the 2016 Games: Golf and Rugby

    The International Olympic Committee (IOC) Executive Board (EB) proposed today the list of 26 core sports and 2 additional sports, golf and rugby, to be included in the 2016 Olympic Programme. The proposal will be submitted to the full IOC for a final decision at its Session in Copenhagen in October, where golf and rugby will have the opportunity to present. Seven sports — baseball, golf, karate, roller sports, rugby, softball and squash — were seeking to enter the Olympic programme. The secret ballot vote by the EB followed an extensive evaluation by the Olympic Programme Commission of the potential added value to the Games from each of the seven sports.

    “All seven sports made a strong case for inclusion, and the EB carefully evaluated them in a transparent and fair process. In the end, the decision came down to which two would add the most value,” said IOC President Jacques Rogge, who elected not to take part in the vote. “Golf and rugby will be a great addition to the Games.”

    The key factors in determining a sport’s suitability for the Olympic programme include youth appeal, universality, popularity, good governance, respect for athletes and respect for the Olympic values.

    “Golf and rugby scored high on all the criteria,” Rogge said. “They have global appeal, a geographically diverse line-up of top iconic athletes and an ethic that stresses fair play.”

    During the 119th Session in Guatemala in 2007, the IOC approved a simplified voting process for new sport to enter the programme. The IOC members also requested guidance from the EB in the selection of the new sports, and entrusted it to make a proposal based on the work of the Olympic Programme Commission.

    All seven sports had a chance to make their case to the Olympic Programme Commission in November 2008 and to the IOC EB in June 2009. Federations were also able to review their section of the report submitted to the EB.
    ###
    Additional information:
    All changes to the sports programme for 2016 are provisional and will be reviewed after the 2016 Games.
    Format of the golf competition for the Games proposed by the International Golf Federation (IGF): 8-day competition (4 for men and 4 for women) with 60 men and 60 women. Both men and women play 72 holes of stroke play, 18 holes per day. Medals would be awarded to the 3 competitors with the lowest total score. For more information: http://www.internationalgolffederation.org

    Format of the rugby competition for the Games proposed by the International Rugby Board (IRB): 2 to 4 days of competition of rugby sevens. Teams would be split into 2 pools of 6 with a total of 12 men’s teams and 12 women’s teams (288 athletes). The 2 top teams in each pool would qualify for semi-finals. For more information: http://www.irb.com

  8. Seconds Out….ah sure that was obvious,just couldn’t resist it.And if ya were married to Katie,would ya be late home from the pub?…{’cause ya wouldn’t be aware of the second warning}

  9. Aussie, Olympic chiefs may as well send Ireland’s Katie Taylor over the gold medal now, throw in the boxer of the tournament award also. It’s in the bag.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.