Damn those Europeans with their broad-minded social policies.
Damn their logical planning.
Damn their clean streets and their secular schools.
Damn their politicians who can speak in complete sentences.
Damn their affordable hotels.
Damn their efficient healthcare and clean hospitals.
Damn their reasonably-paid doctors.
Damn their public transport systems.
Damn their charters of fundamental rights.
Damn their interesting cuisine.
Damn their integrated ticketing.
Damn their cycle lanes and their good camping facilities.
They’re barbarians, who think about nothing but enslaving us with their tolerant laws, and if you don’t believe me, well you can trust the United Kingdom Independence Party, Sinn Féin and Youth Defence.
Our patriots didn’t give their lives so that queers could be legalised or heathens could teach in our schools.
If we wanted grown-ups running our country we’d have elected them.