Copenhagen Climate Change Conference

Global-warming talks on the brink of failure

So there they are anyway, the whole lot of them, in Copenhagen, and they can hardly agree what to have for breakfast, never mind how to save the planet from extinction.

Every world leader is there right now, including our own illustrious chief executive who decided to stay on for a day or two to see if he could rescue all living creatures on Earth, and maybe have a go on a rollercoaster in the Tivoli Gardens while he’s at it.

He might as well, for all the good he’s going to do anywhere else.  It’s a new world order.  Obama flew in and everybody ignored him — especially the Chinese, and why wouldn’t they?  They own everything.  They own all the world’s debts.  They make all the consumer goods.  They sell us our radios and our computers and our Blu-Ray players and our WII Tiger-Woods-hooker-fucking-simulation things.

The Chinese own the entire world deposits of lithium, for Christsake!

Do you know what this means?

It means the Chinese don’t need nuclear weapons any more.  They can cut off lithium supplies to the West, killing all our mobile phones at a stroke, and releasing onto the streets an army of demented manic depressives who can’t get their medication.

Control the manic depressives and you control the world.

Obama couldn’t even manage to bring the Africans on board.  You’d imagine that he, of all people, would be able to sashay on over to the African delegations’ hotels and slap a few high fives.  Yo, brother.  What it is?

But no.  The Africans are utterly pissed off by the whole deal, which I  have to admit is understandable, considering the fact that their countries have been robbed, raped and despoiled by the Europeans and Americans for centuries, and now they’re being asked to bear the load for our high-living habits.

No meeting of minds among Barack and the Africans.  Strike two.

What does that leave — the Russians?  Oh dear Jesus.

Copenhagen is a lovely city.  Any time I’ve been there I enjoyed every second of it, and I imagine the world leaders are no different.  Why anyone would want to leave such a civilised, fun place I can’t imagine, which is why the world leaders have decided to make their failure to  agree last about a month.

In my opinion, the best thing they could do is just hang on for a few days, enjoy the reasonable, civilised, rational ambience created by those logical, civilised, beer-enjoying, warm-hearted Danes.  And then they should do whatever the Chinese tell them to, unless they want to be overrun by madmen demanding batteries for their phones.

3 thoughts on “Copenhagen Climate Change Conference

  1. The Copenhagen Conference…or non conference: a fortune spent, and the only thing they agreed on was to disagree. What a puerile exercise it was!

  2. When you hear China praising it you know it was a fuck up. Have to run, two Polar bears on a ice float outside the door, drinking cans of Dutch Gold – as the dour Scottish private James Frazer used say in Dad’s Army; “we’re dooomed.”

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