Global Warming — The New Religion

Dogma changes the colour of its habit to green.

In a week when Science and Religion are each other’s throats – and that’s just in here – it gladdens the heart to see that both sides of the eternal divide are joining forces to form a new religion in Copenhagen this week.

Come genuflect at the Church of the Leaky Aerosol Can and Global Warming brethren.

Join thousands of devotees as they converge in the Danish capital to tell us, the great unwashed, that if we flush the toilet twice a day man eating sharks will-be patrolling the shores of Ballybunion and well-endowed baboons will have taken over our attics, dangling from the rafters fondling their scrotums.

Polar bears, reported to be on the brink of extinction a few year’s back but who are now breeding like flies, will be rooting through our bins and anacondas will be slithering through our back gardens snaffling our tom cats as they lie in the sunlight recovering from their nocturnal philandering on our window sills.

The planet is doomed folks and as it’s all because you’re leaving the fridge door open.

If you don’t believe me take a gander at this from the New York Times on December 12.

“Soviet scientists on board an icebreaker drifting just 300 miles from the North Pole have concluded that the world is getting hotter.

Warm-water fish are appearing in increasing numbers in Arctic seas as temperatures have risen, melting the ice caps.

The Russian explorers believe that very soon ships will be able to sail right across the Pole.”

Ooooops sorry. I neglected to mention that the above was published on December 12, 1938

Has any ship sailed across the Pole since?

Meanwhile, up to 200 heads of state and assorted alickadoo’s have converged on Copenhagen and are currently gorging their way through the GNP of a small country.

Change your light bulbs and save the planet they insist, while Charlie is building a coal station every weekend in China.

It would be fair to add that none of the above arrived in Denmark on the back of a solar-powered camel. Incidentally, camels, bad tempered fuckers, spend most of their waking hours farting, thus knocking holes in the ozone.

Down with camels.

[Nothing to do with the ozone layer.  You’re thinking of the greehouse effect. – Ed.]

A Committee, and what is a camel only a horse designed by a committee, of global warming evangelists arrived in Copenhagen last Saturday, and insisted on being ferried to the Conference in separate cars, all gas guzzlers – they weren’t modified Ford Fiesta’s.

Above, along with the rest of the devotes jetted into Denmark by plane, probably first class – don’t mention the carbon footprint.

Incidentally, why does BBC footage on global warming always end with a shot of a lonely Polar bear stranded a melting ice float, a bit like Robert Carlyle in that scene in the canal in the Full Monty. I’m convinced it’s the same Polar bear for the last five years. I reckon he should ink a deal with Max Clifford and start claiming royalties.

Our own John Gormley is out there as we speak. John said on RTE d’other day after some heathen tried to nail him that he would be taking the bus from the airport to the conference

Good man John. However, what does the bus run on? Dolphin’s urine?

Down with Gormley.

But hark. Amid all the pomp and ceremony we have apostates in our midst. Unbelievers.

According to reports, computer files and e-mails were hacked in East Anglia University a few weeks back and the content posted briefly on the net. The files were removed off the www.

According to sceptics, the e-mails, written by some of the world’s leading climate scientists, cast doubt on whether human activity causes global warming.

Moreover, other sceptics claim that this global warming lark is a billion-dollar industry and the world’s governments are being defrauded out of trillions – our own shower will probably introduce a carbon tax in the upcoming budget.

The New Church moved quickly to castigated the apostates, demanding like Rome of Galileo that they prove their theory. They have since busied themselves insulting them, calling them flat earthers, etc, etc.

But why are they so afraid of the public seeing the e-mails?

Meanwhile, Obama will arrive in Copenhagen anon, and like Moses descending from Mount Sinai he’ll utter the immortal words; “Hope” and “Change”.

Cue gasps from the audience as they prostrate themselves in front of the chosen one.

Obama reminds me of those days – a million years ago – when the Bishop  arrived at our schools to inspect us. The Christian brother, the poor man on the brink of exhaustion after beating us with an oar all morning, would stay at the top of the class, a benign expression on his face as his Lordship inquired as to what we want to be when we gown up.

“Priests”, we should shout back in unison.  It was the Jams O’Donnell factor, although one wanted to be a nun or a hairdresser.  He was ignored pending consultation with his parents.

The Bishop would slither in and out between the desks as silent as a cat until his beady eyes descended on one wretch of child, who had remained silent.

“And what would you like to be young man,” he would inquire.

“I want to play up front for Man United sir.” He was removed from the class and quite rightly flogged to within an inch of his life.

These days the Bishops don’t do the rounds anymore. These days we have members of the Green Party visiting our schools.

“And what would you like to be when when you grow up children.”?

“Environmentalists. We want to save the planet sir,” they will shout back in unison. although there will always be one little pup that wants to be be a mechanic or a train driver.

Blessed are the children that want to play for United or be mechanics.

So is global warming a new religion? Someone once said that when people stop believing in God, they don’t believe in nothing — they believe in anything.

23 thoughts on “Global Warming — The New Religion

  1. I think the issue should be about reducing pollution that is valid issue – not global warming – sure didn’t the world always heat up and cool down through the ages. Carbon footprint – jesus I hate that phrase – you can’t fart without being accused of adding to global warming – oh wait, that does actually increase global warming. Oh the guilt!

  2. Bock,

    There’s an interesting interview on Matt Coopers last word with Ken Ring, the long range weather forecaster from New Zealand. He spends the first couple of minutes saying what the weather forecast is going to be like until May, you don’t want to know. But then he talks about how the earth’s temperature has been cooling over the last seven years, and how we’re entering another ice age instead of global warming. Ask a geologist instead of a climatologist (they only get more funding when they’re wrong – they need more funds to conduct more research! Also that ice is actually increasing in Antarctica and the pressure of the extra ice in the middle is causing icebergs to break off and float to NZ. Global warmists claim this is due to global warming but can’t explain how the level of the Pacific is falling instead of rising as you’d expect with melting ice turning into water. Link to the interview If that doesn’t work, google Matt Coopers blog, and the link is there.

  3. Ken Ring?

    Please! Pseudoscience masquerading as serious study. Give me a break. Ken Ring is just another symptom of what is wrong with the world. People prefer to listen to charlatans and circus performers than heed the people who take the trouble and time to look into matters properly.

    You’d get more sense from deSelby.

    Ken Ring is a chancer and a fraud, and it says little for Matt Cooper that he would give him space to publicise his nonsense. It also says little for Irish journalism that its leading exponents should be so scientifically illiterate.

  4. Fair enough, I just took him at face value, and the fact that he was right about September being the only good month of the 2nd half of the year, which it was. Still it’s good to see you’re a Flann O’Brien fan ;o)

    And did you really ever think Irish journalism was that good? Any Woodwards and Bernsteins in RTE/Times/ Independent et al? But maybe that’s a topic for another thread.

  5. Spot on.

    Some time ago a bunch of beardy academics on a research gravy train invented a religion called physics. We could afford to tolerate this kind of behaviour until they started applying it to the real world and the modelling of energy exchanges on a planetary scale. The rot set in with a damn fool called Joseph Fourier, who not only inflicted series expansions on generations of engineering students, but promulgated a belief in a thing called the greenhouse effect.

    Ever since then it’s gotten completely out of hand. Literally millions have been spent on geophysical research to keep the said beardy academics in whores and liquor and all we have to show for it are ridiculous sleights of hand like this .travesty of logic.

    Further millions have been spent on monitoring stations to produce makey-upey data streams that purport to show rises in global temperatures and the disappearance of ice sheets, along with rises in CO2 and other greenhouse gases.

    We should force them to retrain to do something useful like banking or spin doctoring, I say.

  6. And boy can those climate change parasites party. You should have seen what they did to Bangkok this September.

    The bars left as smoking ruins, and all the ladyboys had to be relined with silicone prostheses. Enough of this sort of thing!

  7. Ther is no such thing as global warming. Brian Lenihan will prove that today by introducing a carbon tax…this will put an end to the Irish polution problem and we will all live happily ever after.
    But seriously, do you really believe in all that global warming shite. If the nuclear bomb tests carried out over the last decades did’nt shift the Earth’s axis and distance from the sun than nothing else can. Oh shit I think I’ve just created a new scapegoat for a new tax…………………………………

  8. The adjunct prof of maths obviously wasn’t invited to the party. Those AGW fantasists sure can spit-roast!

    Actually if you read what he says you’ll find he’s *one of them* ™! He’s just calling for a change in the control of the IPCC process. Another deluded soul lost to the truth.

  9. Global Warming is the ‘spun’ title for the world’s latest and probably greatest money generating scam since the inception of the ponzi schemes.

  10. There’s a legacy Bush rendition flight leaving Shannon in the morning and I’ve booked your ticket. Look, you can say what you want about the ozone layer and pollution and stuff but leave Barack and the Polar bears alone. I mean what the fuck, he is awesome and hope and gorgeous in that designer suited basketball player Marlboro light smoking presidential way, and they are the cuddly endangered, poor things have to swim further and further every summer to savage baby seals.

    Mr Out, where is your humanity, your empathy, your warmth and well known human kindness. The earth is melting and Barack and the white bears are our saviours. Blame Bush for Christ’s sake or Donal Murray or Bock or John O’Shea, but leave Barack the fuck alone.

  11. I miss George, we must come together to unite, Bush. The World misses him. Biffo and Obama are from Offaly Mr Sniffle. How come we got the one that looks like a bull dog chewing on a wasp?

  12. I do think the global climate is changing. When we are all bobbing about in boats next year perhaps the nay Sayers will have a re-think. That having been said , it seems that it will not really kick in until the middle or the end of the century so I shall be dead. Bock “Alickadoo’s” I love it, have not seen or heard the word in decades . Well done.

  13. I guess I can understand where the climate scepticism is coming from. But if you think about what climate science is (apart from climate politics, which is what is happening in Copenhagen), then you will see that part of the problem is that science basically sucks at politics. Climatology is much like weather forecasting. The pretty, and definite, pictures of clouds and sun on maps in the TV weather studio are models based on scientific findings that a meteorologist would express like this: “there is an 80% chance that 1-3mm of rain may fall within the next 12 hours with a 5% margin of error.” That is how meteorologists think, but people don’t want to hear that, they want to hear – “will rain – pack your umbrella” or “won’t rain – leave it at home.” Climate science is like this, but writ very large. Most of climate science depends on making complex computer models into which you feed masses and masses of data, but often don’t have enough to say, with 100% certainty – or even 75% certainty, what it all means.

    Oddly enough, we do have a nearby example right in our solar neighbourhood, of what runaway carbon dioxide in the atmosphere can do to a planet – Venus – check it out. We also know that the major mass extinctions in the history of life on earth (five to date) have been associated with major increases in levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere – most likely produced naturally by massive volcanic activity, among others. Among other effects, more carbon dioxide in the air makes the oceans more acid. Whether our civilised emissions will in fact add up to a slow-release Deccan-trap type scenario, with equally devastating effects, cannot be predicted.

    But scientists who ponder these things, and feed their modelling programmes are worried. By and large, though, they are not out there being political, because scientists are not good at that. You would never get world leaders to get behind any policy based on a truly scientific proposition such as: “Our model, which is only as good as the data we’ve been able to find to give it, and assuming a continuation of current trends, indicates a 75% certainty of a 1.5deg temperature rise withing 40-70 years with a margin of error of 5%.” And that is the kind of thing that a real climate scientist is likely to say. This is why I tend to be a bit more sceptical of “climate sceptics” – they are much more likely to be talking smooth political speak, than carefully qualified science-speak.

    Re the email furore – my reading of it is that some scientists were caught being political. I couldn’t find evidence that they had messed with their data, but it seemed that, scientists being people too, they got caught trying to make some political hay around their discoveries.

    So, Bock, I would ask you to listen carefully, not to the politicians, but to the real scientists on the ground, the ones reluctant to pronounce with certainty, but who are spending a lot of time with the data. Most of the climate sceptics I’ve come across definitely fall into the politician category. But if they are real scientists, then I’d be happy to see what concerns they’ve got, too.

    This is a plea for more evidence, less emotion.

  14. the governments invented global warming so they could ride us with a carbon tax tree hugging, sandal wearing cunts

  15. On the ball Ms, and Bock, that’s the same Polar on your pic as the BBC have been using since 2004 – are you throwing him a few bob? – a few mackeral even?

  16. well fuck you bock if your theory is correct and in the future the world will be run by Gormley types there will be no hot summers in ballybunion, and all the turf will be back (when was the first time you heard there was only 20 years of turf left, go to the west the place is full of it. They haven’t a clue.

  17. Bock, if you are interested in how climate science works (v. how climate politics works – another kettle of fish) this post may interest you.

  18. I’ll have to start putting up a disclaimer. This post was written by Mr Out, and it doesn’t necessarily reflect my own views.

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