Pope to Send Pastoral Letter to Ireland

Return to sender

Unless you’ve been living in another galaxy, or you were a bishop, you can’t have failed to notice the uproar that erupted in Ireland following publication of the Ryan report on the sexual and physical abuse of children by religious orders, and the Murphy report which detailed a calculated cover-up of crimes by the Catholic clergy.

I must admit I had little confidence in the Catholic church’s capacity to address these horrors, but the Pope has proven me wrong.  While Irish bishops in Rome are more plentiful than crab-lice on a parish priest, all pleading ignorance and ratzodog_laughing 2innocence (I didn’t know it was wrong to be fucking little boys up the arse, please let me keep my job, please, ah go on go on go on …), the Pope was getting the real story from Brady and Martin.

They’re a shower of bastards, Ratzo.  You have to do something about them.  They’ll fuck it up for all of us if the Irish people realise what we’re up to.

Ja ja ja.  Ich habe ein Spezialplan out-geworken.  Ich will, in der neues Jahres, einen  Brief schrieben, ja?  Nicht war?

A letter, Holy Father?  You’ll send them a letter?

Naturlich! Ich will einen grossen Pastoralbrief schicken.

But Ratzo, the people are out lynching priests and nuns.

Niemals you worry about these hodensacker. Mein Plan will alles fixen.

So there you have it.  Just when we despaired.  Just when we thought the Pope couldn’t give a flying fuck about the clergy’s activities  in Ireland as long as his money was safe, he has made an earth-shattering announcement.  Ratzo is on the case, and Ratzo is moving decisively very soon now to interevene in the whole filthy business by …  well, by writing us a letter.

When?  Real soon now.  Maybe some time next year, Ireland is getting a letter from Ratzo.  Dear Ireland, Don’t worry.  Be happy.  All the best, My Holiness.

Phew.  Isn’t that a relief?


Previously on Bock:

Das Papahund


Ratzo’s Leap

Das Papahundchen

12 thoughts on “Pope to Send Pastoral Letter to Ireland

  1. holy chris, the xian boss is a German Hector!

    funny how it’s all so relaxed with them…. “you mean we’ve destroyed thousands of lives over the decades and centuries. oh dear! we’d better write a letter – that will solve it all. let me see… ‘dear paddy, we’re sorry.’ Now, fluff that up, will ye, and put it in the post.”

  2. I wont be hearing the reading of this stupid letter as I wont be among the congregation of the gullible when it appears. If there is something more dastardly than the sexual abuse of children, it is a government who advocates patriotism while deferring to a foreign power…in this case The Vatican.
    This miserable little state, for centuries, has subverted the public representatives who were democratically elected to look after national interests in all the countries in which they have undue influence.
    They should all be sent packing back to the Sistine Chapel where they could all wank each other until they all died out.

  3. We’re to have a pastoral letter. Can I get back to the PASTORAL thing? Pastor is Latin for a shepherd. What kind of letter could a shepherd write to a sheep, or in this case to a whole flock of them?

    Dear Irish Flock,
    Sorry I stole your wool, but if you think I’m going to give it back to you and walk around buck naked you’re a heretic. With the greatest humility I want to express my profound gratitude for your mutton, which is, as ever, absolutely mouthwatering. Young lambs of Ireland, I love you, up to your hocks in mint sauce. Remind me to send you the sacred recipe. Oops, forgot it’s a secret!
    You have been herded by some very bad-assed paedopastors, who have brought disgrace on all shepherds, but I’m going to sack them and send you a whole new lot who will restore normal fleecing, butchering and roasting routines.
    Benedictum, Benedactum, die Kirche springt nakt um.

  4. Auf der Heide blüht ein kleines Blümelein
    Und das heißt: Erika.
    Heiß von hunderttausend kleinen Bienelein
    Wird umschwärmt Erika.
    Denn ihr Herz ist voller Süßigkeit,

    And this was taught to me by a ‘lovely catholic man’ teacher when I was about eight.

    Nice song though!

  5. Never fear, our salvation is at hand. I am so looking forward to the Pastoral Letter. I’ve never had mail from a German Shepherd before!

    Benny Bo-Peep
    In shit so deep
    Our Irish clergy plunged him,
    But has he the balls
    To heed our calls
    And from their thrones expunge them?

  6. i looked up the site of the vatican and in the search box i typed in TRUTH guess what it was not there

  7. Bock, was thinking ( a rare activity) that Ratzo is a sadist. He knows the irish people are disgusted and the serious damage done to irish people and so on. The sadism lies in that despite all of this he wants to humiliate the Irish people ( the government already snubbed) by sending a letter. Maybe they do Monty Pyton behind closed doors in the Vatican as a form of relaxation. Compounding the harm done on Irish Children, insulting the goverment and adding riducule by way of a letter confirms sadism as a way of life. Or they have a death wish. In that case we should speed them on to that goal.

  8. Allegedly Roman Emperors when they were having a problem with a member of the ruling class would organise a little accident. On officially hearing of the death they would “cry“ into a glass phial which would be sealed by glass and sent to the widow . With a note saying “see how Cesar has wept for our loss”.

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