You Must Remember This …

… a kiss is still a kiss

Every day you look around you see workers’ rights eroded and trodden underfoot by greedy, capitalist pigs.  And what are our so called socialists and Trade Unionist doing about it?

Fuck all.

Take Joe Cole at Chelsea for instance. The England midfielder was demanding £100,000 a week to help keep the wolves from the door, but now he’s  abandoned and is scraping by on £85,000 because Chelski owner, Roman Abramovich, who may or may not have assembled his team with money plundered from the oil fields of the former USSR, is refusing to cough up the 15 grand.

Consequently, Joe has  been left with no option but apply to the social services in the UK for a family income supplement because he can only stretch his salary as far as Thursday.  On Friday last he was spotted outside Stamford Bridge flogging copies of The Big Issue.  Shamefully, but understandably, he also resorted to haranguing passers by for the price of a cup of tea.

How will he Gloria Gaynor on just over 12 grand a day. He’s some bastard is that Abramovich.

Which reminds me. A few months back we were speaking to a particularly naive looking  GAA muck savage below in the Duck ‘N Drake and he was banging on about how obscene footballers’ wages are.

“You’re spot on there you particularly naive looking GAA muck savage. And what’s more, if they are on a hundred grand a week and they play past 4pm in the day there are entitled to a 25% evening shift allowance, consolidated onto their wages.”

“Fuck off. You’re winding me up,” says he, dribbling out of both sides of his mouth.

“I’m telling you. A footballer is a worker and under European labour laws following the Zamonivich ruling (who?) if they are working unsocial hours they are entitled to a shift allowance. Why do you think football chiefs won’t sanction matches after midnight?  It’s because footballers would be demanding a 30% night shift allowance then as they would be working the graveyard shift.”

“Jaysus, that’s a good one. Their hoovering up the cash.”

“Did we mention that they get double time on Sundays?”

Meantime, I reckon  this paying pro footballers per week a tabloid thingy to fit in with football’s working class, paid by the week, ethos.

Does anyone imagine that Sir Alex Ferguson, who was knighted by her Maj for catching David Beckham with a boot in the eye a few years back, is walking around at the training ground handing out wage packages every Thursday morning.

“Dimitar, here’s your wages. I’ve docked you 20 grand because you’re the laziest fucker that ever pulled on a United top. Your so lethargic your name will be included in the dictionary as a synonym for sloth. If you bring any less concentrated effort to your task, you’ll slip into a coma. You wouldn’t run to warm yourself Dimitar. Admit it, you’re a lazy bastard.”

“Your not wrong there boss.”

Meanwhile,  Abramovich, who is still smarting from being dumped out of the Champions League by Internazionale, who are of course managed by former Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho, has also refused Cole, Michael Ballack, and Deco extensions to their contracts.

Incidentally, could Chelsea fans explain to us in one concise paragraph why exactly Mourinho was let go?

Abramovich is of the outrageous opinion that they should earn new contracts by winning something – as in the Premier League. Fancy that.

Chelsea are still in the driving seat of course as they are one point ahead of the Evil Empire. However, their recent nervy win over Bolton combined with their capitulation to the Yid Army last weekend – combined with United’s win over City – would appear to suggest that the Stamford Bridge boys could implode, which in turn could see their entire first team joining Cole on the bread line.

So will Chelsea hold out?

I have my doubts, because when you see Gary Neville kissing Paul Scholes on the lips following his last gasp winner over City you know that they have abandoned all semblance of the aesthetic at Old Trafford.  You know when you see a pro footballer kissing a carrot top with freckles that you are dealing with men who are prepared to sink to new, unchartered depths of depravity to win.

Would Chelsea players and fans be prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice and kiss a ginger of the same sex with a bad dose of the Shirley Temples  – slipping him the auld tongue into the bargain  – if it meant securing the Premier League crown?

Would they even be prepared to kiss the great Chelsea defender of the 70s, Chopper Harris, a man that would have issue with this new fandangle FIFA law on the tackle from behind and their insistence that the ball be somewhere in the vicinity before he lunges two footed into some not entirely heterosexual winger swanning his way down the left flank, his left flank?

And what  would Roy Keane make of that snog – ESPN described it as a gay kiss – if he was still prowling the United midfield? How would Keane, who once scored a late winner against City, react if Neville snogged him in full view of the boys on the Stretford End.

Chelsea and United will each play two of their last three games against various opposition at home. Who will prevail? Can Chelsea afford another slip up, and if they do slip up will United take maximum advantage?

And will the social services give Cole the green light to draw down a family income supplement. Will they even process his application?

30 thoughts on “You Must Remember This …

  1. For “How will he Gloria Gaynor”, I’ll forgive your insensitivity towards Dimitar’s creative genius but not for your lack of understanding for Gary’s getting in touch with his inner feminine.

    Artistes Mr. Out, they are artistes who must articulate their talent – an existential gig man.

    It’s fizzling out though , n’est pas ?

    The race for 5t hand 6th is more interesting methinks. Facking Spurs, who’dathought. And the rock hard Toffees, that fucker Moyes is rock solid and would you beat against the Villa.

    And the drop Mr. Out, name the 3rd . Hellish Hull ? Self-harming Hammers ? Who knows .

    Chelski – not the same since Terry shagged Cheryl. He did, didn’t he?

  2. I know fuck-all about football, so I can’t offer any comment.

    There’s something much more important troubling me, however.

    Do you know how it is when you’re out with the lads, and your buddy opposite you has a big gob of mayonnaise or ketchup on his chin? Or, worse, a huge bogie hanging out of his nose? Or, worst of all, you happen to notice that he’s flying at half mast?

    Do you say something? Do you run the risk of embarassing him, or do you save him from the even greater embarassment when he realises (at 3 in the morning, when he staggers in the front door and catches sight of himself in the hall mirror) that he’s been going around all night with his Disney “I Love Mickey” boxer shorts on show?

    OK. Deep breath. I’ll have to say it.

    Bock. You have an (hehemmm) inappropriate apostrophe in the 11th paragraph above.

    I’m just letting you know, like…

  3. Okayyy……….

    The byline above says Bock, but Sniffle is addressing Seconds. The gremlins are busy tonight!

  4. “You know when you see a pro footballer kissing a carrot top with freckles that you are dealing with men who are prepared to sink to new, unchartered depths of depravity”.. I bet Jinger is better than the mop on your head Seconds! Carrots are green on top too! :)
    In my opinon rugby players are more “not entirely heterosexual”, as you put it, than soccer players. Come on they practically have their faces up each others arses in scrums.. and when a try is scored they are rolling around on the pitch on top of each with a lot of gusto.
    I reckon that’s why they get into fisticuffs every so often, to get back in touch with their masculinity.

  5. That’s because as usual I made a shit of the author thing. It’s Seconds, not me. All right? What the fuck do I know about soccer?

    Anyway, the apostrophe has been deleted and Seconds has received a hundred lashes.

  6. Bock, you know more than I know ( which is not saying much admittedly) and more then you pretend to.

    Classy left foot he has ,all the market stall people say it.

    Folks, you know Bock turns out for the Limerick Ultra 1st 11, a right Bobby Dazzler on the left wing.

    Scouts from Second’s old club ,Deportiva La Coruna were initially looking at him before they decided on Seconds ( ha-ha ) .

    Anyway, up to Jackman park with you tomorrow evening and you’ll see his royal sveltness, the Cristiannnnnno lookalike
    ( but not in that rent boy way )

    FME is right too – the rugby lady doth pretend too much – much too much .

  7. Mr Sniffle and assorted lunatics, following my move from Deportiva from Hamilton Academicals en route to Prospect Priory, I noticed, well actually I’ve forgot what I was going to say. I reckon United will do it for the fourth year in a row.
    As said, their capabale of anything if they kiss Scholes, who is of course one of the unsung heroes. Berbatov, I best not say given the laws of slander/libel – why is he wearing gloves in April, are his little fingers cold. If he actually ran they would warm up. I reckon that Hull will bget the P-45, the goal differnece is very bad. Might see you above in JP tomorrow evening

  8. Seconds, never mind the Premiership, Jackman Park is where it’s at tonight. Limerick vs Wexford Funboys in all their pink resplendent glory. I’ve got a fiver on a 3-3 draw at 80-1. Bye bye fiver. See y’all there.

  9. The your/you’re and their/they’re mistakes are hurting my eyes.

    Chelski will hold on I’d say

  10. Will be at LDMC H/Q James, may pick up the latest on the Pike Rvs v FAI saga, hear it will go to arbitrationa and beyond. Hmmm, 3-3 at 80/1 = about 90 pints of lager,100 pints of Guinness, circa 112.3 pints of Beamish. We’ll be keeping an eye on you and the scoreboard James. If it finishes all square with six goals scored you won’t get out of the ground alive unless you utter the immortal words – “the drinks are on me”….

  11. Seconds, if this baby comes in I will streak across Jackman Park. And then the drinks are on me!

  12. There is a guy down there with a lap top working for some betting company – he’s usually around the dug out. You can bet on the game “live” – but yer man is on the ball. The second anything of note happens all betting is suspended for 30 seconds. Likewise, you’d never get a chance to put, lets say, one hundred millon on who will score the next goal bet if someone gets a penalty as the second the ref points to the spot all next goal betting is suspended.

  13. alas James

    Limerick FC 2
    (Lyons 18) (Kelleher 76)

    Wexford Yths 0
    Malone (sent off 17)

    Limerick FC: Ryan, White, Deedy, Stanley, Purcell, Judge (Kelleher 68) Lyons, Kelly, Hughes (Roche 86) Tierney (Hickey 88) Tracey.

    Wexford Yths: Holden, Malone, Broaders, Breen, Wolfe, Dempsey, Rowe (Keogh 76) Keohane, Furlong, Sheehan, Byrne (Sinnott 58)

    Ref: K Callanan (Cork)

    Att: 352

  14. Great resut last night, only 6 points off Derry in second. I think the midfield have improved a lot on last season, we have a real chance of going up if they can play like that every game. All eyes now on Limerick vs Waterford in Croke Park tonight, maybe our footballers first trophy in 140 million years. Good luck to Steve Davis in the Crucible today against John Higgins, 11-10 at the moment. Come on the Nugget!

  15. A hard working bunch they are indeed. The red card was the turning point, but Malone made the refs mind up for him as he was the last defender back when he clattered Tierney. Lims are tipping away nicely. Pity they don’t get more support.

  16. Yes, it is a shame. Pat Scully has done a great job since he has come in. If the club can keep him, and maintain stability off the field, I think good times lie ahead for Limerick FC. I see the greyhounds are finally moving from the Markets Field, I wonder if the time is right for Lims to move back to their spiritual home?

  17. Good question, ref Markets Field. It has been a long time since they kicked a ball there. I reckon it would work, that the initial reaction would be for fans to go there and see them. The trick would be to hold
    onto them then. We need something to challange the monopoly of Munster – and that applies to rugby clubs as well. The truth is that Munster will probably make more money selling programmes tonight than Limerick FC or the rugby clubs make from fans paying through the gate. I think the Markets Field would be worth a shot though.

  18. Yes, it is a shame. Pat Scully has done a great job since he has come in. If the club can keep him, and maintain stability off the field, I think good times lie ahead for Limerick FC. I see the greyhounds are finally moving from the Markets Field, I wonder if the time is right for Lims to move back to their spiritual home?

  19. Great comment Brian, couldn’t have put it better myself. Well done to the Limerick footballers yesterday, was looking like victory was slipping away but they managed to hold on. Great to see Steve Davis winning in the Crucible too yesterday, brilliant performance.

  20. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery James, ref above. The sight of Limerick GAA footballers winning something was a bit unnatural to tell the truth – why break a tradition – of defeat – spanning three centuries. Teams strive for that level of consistency but usually fail by winning things. Amazing win for Davis – did you have a few bob on him?

  21. No Seconds, if it’s a winner you can guarantee my money is nowhere near it. Loved watching Davis win, thought he had lost his chance when Higgins came back in the final session. I think he has a good chance against the Aussie Robertson in the quarters, he seems like the smug complacent type (blonde git), probably thinks he is as good as in the semis already. Never underestimate ginger sportsmen – just look at Paul Scholes last weekend.

  22. Hmmm, we have been denied the end of season knashing of teeth and assorted angst via relegation battles as the bottom three have been relegated with two games to go, unless Hull win their next game 35-1 and everyone else lose. Meantime, Liverpools win (their 3-0 up as we speak) means that they can still
    finish in fourth spot which in turn means they won’t roll over and die v Chelsea (2-0 up as we speak, no gingers being snogged yet) who will go back top today after beating Stoke who obviously didn’t give a rattling fuck.

    Davis for the world title meanwhile.

  23. No Seconds, if it’s a winner you can guarantee my money is nowhere near it. Loved watching Davis win, thought he had lost his chance when Higgins came back in the final session. I think he has a good chance against the Aussie Robertson in the quarters, he seems like the smug complacent type (blonde git), probably thinks he is as good as in the semis already. Never underestimate ginger sportsmen – just look at Paul Scholes last weekend.

  24. Incidentally, Limerick born Leo Fernandez played an inadvertent part in the first break over 147 in pro snooker about six years ago v Scotland’s Jamie Burnett.

    Burnett made a break of 148. He potted the brown as the extra red, then another brown followed by the 15 reds and all the colours. He made a blue on the first red, a pink on the last one and another pink on one of the other reds. The rest went with blacks. He went on to win the match 9-8.

    I’m not exactly sure what happened here. I think Fernandez might have committed a foul and Burnett got a free ball on the brown etc etc ? Likewise, would it be possible to have a 154 “break”. If your opponent fouled on the black you get seven points (yes?). You then fire down all the reds followed by black and the colours, simple really.

  25. What time is it Mr. Out? It’s squeaky bottom time, the bacon slicer time, oh yeah, baby. Those Chelsea cunts won’t lie down. Talented fucking bastards, all of them. God if there’s one thing I hate more than entitlement in a spoilt fucking millionaire, its talent.

    Malouda stop now.

    @ Dave, “smug complacent type” – your meant Davis there, yes? Jeez, it’s a heartbeat since his squinty eyes, pursed lips and overpowering sense of superiority came up on my radar. Back when everyone loved Alex.

    Okay Mr. Out, its Portsmouth, Hull and Burley gonned. I’m glad Wolves get another go, for Mick and Derek Dougan. Hey how soon before all the top teams have a javelin Thrower a lá Rory Delap. I mean none of them could defend against it. They surrendered today though.

    Heard Martin O’Neill giving an interviewer an excruciating time this afternoon when he was asking him “what he thought” questions. Villa for the Europa next season. Class act Martin.

    Everyone is wrecking Munster’s scene though Mr. Out. Have you noticed how the others overtook us and had the temerity to beat the red madness? How fucking dare they? Apparently Birriatz lost again yesterday and are there for the taking – I wish, although I’m really wondering do we have game to beat Toulouse in Paris.

    Pa Whelan has a lot to answer for Paulie’s injury – true for you Mr. Out.

  26. Gary would never DARE kiss Roy, are you joking me?
    He wouldn’t live to kiss again :-)
    Brian Clough gave him (Roy) a right slobberer though, and lived!
    He (Clough) also punched him (Roy) in the face!

    By the way, Seconds, isn’t Giggsy just beautiful?
    Scholesy last week, Giggsy this week, who could ask for better.

  27. Mairead, now lets get this correct, Neville and Scholsey” make you – oh me oh my you make me sigh your such a fine looking midfielder as Joe Dolan might sing?

    No I don’t think Neville would have snogged Keane, although Clough could get away with anything. Keane by the way boxed out of the Brian Dillon’s club in Cork as a youngster, retried undefeated after three fights.

  28. He did indeed, Seconds!
    It’s Keano that makes me do the Joe Dolan singing, but Giggsy (not Gary) and Scholesy….. I just think they’re great.
    I adore Keano though.
    He’s hard to love at times, but I love him all the same.

  29. Another good win for Limerick tonight, Seconds. Finished 2-0 against Mervue but could have been 6. Was given a flyer going into the ground entitled ‘Know Your Enemy’, with phone & email addresses of the FAI on it. There were lots of Barca shirts/chants going around Jackman Park tonight! We are third in the table now, just 3 behind Waterford.

  30. Looking good James. I was below, left it a bit late seal it via Tierney, but they were always on top really.

    Should we ask Barca can we join La Liga?

    Bob Dylan was asked to comment on why the FAI banned him from Thomond Park tonight and he replied – the answer my friends is blowing in the ….(oh alright alright)

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