Every day you look around you see workers’ rights eroded and trodden underfoot by greedy, capitalist pigs. And what are our so called socialists and Trade Unionist doing about it?
Take Joe Cole at Chelsea for instance. The England midfielder was demanding £100,000 a week to help keep the wolves from the door, but now he’s abandoned and is scraping by on £85,000 because Chelski owner, Roman Abramovich, who may or may not have assembled his team with money plundered from the oil fields of the former USSR, is refusing to cough up the 15 grand.
Consequently, Joe has been left with no option but apply to the social services in the UK for a family income supplement because he can only stretch his salary as far as Thursday. On Friday last he was spotted outside Stamford Bridge flogging copies of The Big Issue. Shamefully, but understandably, he also resorted to haranguing passers by for the price of a cup of tea.
How will he Gloria Gaynor on just over 12 grand a day. He’s some bastard is that Abramovich.
Which reminds me. A few months back we were speaking to a particularly naive looking GAA muck savage below in the Duck ‘N Drake and he was banging on about how obscene footballers’ wages are.
“You’re spot on there you particularly naive looking GAA muck savage. And what’s more, if they are on a hundred grand a week and they play past 4pm in the day there are entitled to a 25% evening shift allowance, consolidated onto their wages.”
“Fuck off. You’re winding me up,” says he, dribbling out of both sides of his mouth.
“I’m telling you. A footballer is a worker and under European labour laws following the Zamonivich ruling (who?) if they are working unsocial hours they are entitled to a shift allowance. Why do you think football chiefs won’t sanction matches after midnight? It’s because footballers would be demanding a 30% night shift allowance then as they would be working the graveyard shift.”
“Jaysus, that’s a good one. Their hoovering up the cash.”
“Did we mention that they get double time on Sundays?”
Meantime, I reckon this paying pro footballers per week a tabloid thingy to fit in with football’s working class, paid by the week, ethos.
Does anyone imagine that Sir Alex Ferguson, who was knighted by her Maj for catching David Beckham with a boot in the eye a few years back, is walking around at the training ground handing out wage packages every Thursday morning.
“Dimitar, here’s your wages. I’ve docked you 20 grand because you’re the laziest fucker that ever pulled on a United top. Your so lethargic your name will be included in the dictionary as a synonym for sloth. If you bring any less concentrated effort to your task, you’ll slip into a coma. You wouldn’t run to warm yourself Dimitar. Admit it, you’re a lazy bastard.”
“Your not wrong there boss.”
Meanwhile, Abramovich, who is still smarting from being dumped out of the Champions League by Internazionale, who are of course managed by former Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho, has also refused Cole, Michael Ballack, and Deco extensions to their contracts.
Incidentally, could Chelsea fans explain to us in one concise paragraph why exactly Mourinho was let go?
Abramovich is of the outrageous opinion that they should earn new contracts by winning something – as in the Premier League. Fancy that.
Chelsea are still in the driving seat of course as they are one point ahead of the Evil Empire. However, their recent nervy win over Bolton combined with their capitulation to the Yid Army last weekend – combined with United’s win over City – would appear to suggest that the Stamford Bridge boys could implode, which in turn could see their entire first team joining Cole on the bread line.
So will Chelsea hold out?
I have my doubts, because when you see Gary Neville kissing Paul Scholes on the lips following his last gasp winner over City you know that they have abandoned all semblance of the aesthetic at Old Trafford. You know when you see a pro footballer kissing a carrot top with freckles that you are dealing with men who are prepared to sink to new, unchartered depths of depravity to win.
Would Chelsea players and fans be prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice and kiss a ginger of the same sex with a bad dose of the Shirley Temples – slipping him the auld tongue into the bargain – if it meant securing the Premier League crown?
Would they even be prepared to kiss the great Chelsea defender of the 70s, Chopper Harris, a man that would have issue with this new fandangle FIFA law on the tackle from behind and their insistence that the ball be somewhere in the vicinity before he lunges two footed into some not entirely heterosexual winger swanning his way down the left flank, his left flank?
And what would Roy Keane make of that snog – ESPN described it as a gay kiss – if he was still prowling the United midfield? How would Keane, who once scored a late winner against City, react if Neville snogged him in full view of the boys on the Stretford End.
Chelsea and United will each play two of their last three games against various opposition at home. Who will prevail? Can Chelsea afford another slip up, and if they do slip up will United take maximum advantage?
And will the social services give Cole the green light to draw down a family income supplement. Will they even process his application?