Mass-Card Protection

Religious order threatens retailers with jail

There’s a law in this benighted little isle of ours that makes it an offence to sell Mass cards other than by arrangement with a Catholic bishop or the head of a Catholic religious order.

Did you know that?

The Charities Act 2009, another piece of lunacy from the worst government we have ever known, has a section tacked onto the end, protecting one church’s ridiculous practice of selling little signed cards that indicate a Mass will be said for certain specified intentions.  Our national law in this country, passed less than a year ago, explicitly protects a piece of voodoo mumbo-jumbo.

What’s more — and most unusually — there’s no presumption of innocence.  You have to prove you didn’t do it, or face a fine and possibly jail.

Now, that’s bad enough, you might be thinking, but what do you make of this bunch of knob-nibbling cock-knockers who call themselves the Missionaries of the Sacred Heart?

This crowd of clerical arseholes have decided to capitalise on Dermot Ahern’s idiot law by sending out a threatening letter to Irish retailers.

Here’s what their smarmy, hand-wringing, grubby little threat says:

Selling signed Mass cards is now illegal
…. and carries a hefty penalty

The Charities Act 2009 introduced a specific provision to curb the sale of dubious pre-signed Mass cards in commercial outlets. That provision is now in force. Its constitutionality was challenged in the High Court and was found to be fully constitutional. The detailed judgement is available on High Court and 17/12/2009. It is advisable for every shop owner to read it.

It is now an offence to distribute or to sell pre-signed Mass cards without the written approval of a bishop or the superior of a religious congregation. However, such approval – with full knowledge – will not be forthcoming because trafficking in the Mass is, and always was, strictly forbidden under Canon Law – this point was highlighted in evidence during the High Court challenge.

The maximum penalty for breach of the Charities Act is a fine of up to €300,000 or 10 years in prison.

I swear to you, this is what the arsehole Missionaries of the Sacred Heart sent out to honest shopkeepers, the miserable fuckers.

What do you think they were trying to achieve by this heavy-handed and pathetic attempt at intimidation?  Were they trying to stop the sale of fake Mass-cards (leaving aside the question of how you could possibly fake something that’s already bogus)?

No.  They’re trying to sell you something else:

Missionaries of the Sacred Heart (MSC) provide a range of Sacred Heart Mission Cards for shops. These are not Mass cards, rather they are prayer cards that comply with guidelines issued by the Catholic Church. Bishop Colm O’ Reilly, Chairman of the Episcopal Commission for Missions welcomed the launch of the cards as did the Irish Missionary Union representing 85 religious congregations.

The range includes cards for occasions such as Sympathy, Get Well, Birthdays/Anniversaries, student exams, and Christmas. Each contains reflections and prayers appropriate for the occasion. They have been received very favourably by the public as genuine religious cards from a well recognised and trusted source.

This must be the first time in history that anyone tried to sell something by threatening their potential customers with imprisonment.

And they tell us that the Catholic church in Ireland has learnt humility after all its abuse of children and vulnerable people has been exposed?  Have they indeed?

What a crowd of absolute fuck-bags.

Anyway, I have a solution for people who’d like a Mass card.  I’m going to give them away free, because that’s still legal.

If you would like a free Mass-card, I’ll be happy to send you one signed by our own Father Fitz.  Just send me an email with your desired intentions.

Do this instead of paying good money to those bastard Missionaries of the Blessed Intimidation.

12 thoughts on “Mass-Card Protection

  1. Unbidden, my mind gave up the door at Wittenberg and the 95 theses of Martin Luther pinned there.

    Imagine being excommunicated for translating the scriptures?

    Wouldn’t work today. Still haven’t figured out how to get myself excommunicated. Lucky Martin.

  2. Dermot Ahearn is one strange man. I suppose he’ll be going straight to heaven now for that one. People still think that by giving money to the church gets them into heaven.

  3. Well, this makes sense from their point of view. They need to earn $$$, in order to pay off their victims (preferably in brown paper envelopes on the steps of the Courthouse.

    Circle of Life.

    Now STFU and buy some indulgences.

  4. Dermot don’t be silly. They’re asking the congregations to pay for victim compensation – mass cards cost money to produce you know! And anyway, Mass cards are for getting people to heaven, and if you buy one off the back of a lorry you’ll be going straight to hell and so will the person you bought the card for.

  5. If Mass Cards are Hocus Pocus Why do you give a shit. Why sell hocus pocus yourself. Oh Yhea, Shopkeepers are the only guys allowed to make to make Money.
    Ritual in society is very important. Hocus pocus. Like Christmas, Marriage, Leaving certs give us all procedures to deal with life situations. A Death is important emotionally to the living . Mass cards recognise this. If they are backed up with some offical hocus pocus thats fine by me.

    Money is the ultimate Hocus Pocus. A piece of paper which requires everybody to believe in it to work. That is crazy. But it works.

  6. Do any readers here throw pennies into wishing wells? I am aware of an ornamental fountain in a shopping mall that accumulates coins thrown into it over a period of time. The proprietors twice a year drain the water and count the money, which they then donate to a charity. So throwing money into wishing wells seems to bring good luck to some people.

    Not all folk beliefs are true however. I often pick young dandelions in early summer, but have never committed an involuntary public indiscretion as a result.

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