Junior Minister Conor Lenihan has spearheaded a revolution in law reform with his bold support for radical writer John May, a man who has broken new scientific ground by deciding to know nothing at all about anything.
Following his triumphant launch of a book written by somebody who knows absolutely nothing, the Irish government has appointed Lenihan as junior minister for Scientific Laws.
Lenihan, whose scientific qualifications include working for a radio station, has set forth a far-reaching programme, including review of the Laws of Gravity.
Everything is relative, he said. If the laws of gravity are out of date, or fail to meet the needs of the average citizen in the street, we won’t hesitate to amend them.
When pressed on the laws of thermodynamics, Lenihan was uncompromising. We’ve abolished them, he announced. Enough of this chaotic behaviour. We need new laws. Laws that will bring us forward into the future, going forward.
Denying that the sun, moon and stars exist, Minister Lenihan chuckled. It’s all spin. This is the sort of thing put about by the science lobby to manipulate you. Look, here’s a book by a friend of mine who knows nothing at all. It’s a great inspiration to me.
He went on to explain that medicine doesn’t work, water flows uphill, and apples fall sideways.
Sources close to the government suggest that junior minister Lenihan may be earmarked for promotion to join his brother in the Cabinet, possibly heading the coveted Department of Complete Denial.
The minister for kebabs has withdrawn from the book launch due to universal ridicule.
The logical next step would be for Biffo to sack him as a complete idiot, but that was never an obstacle to membership of the Irish government.