New end of days date, Oct 21. Repent.

Whoops, Apocalypse!

The evangelical movement in the USA are all for Israel I notice, ostensibly anyway. Fair play to them for that much at least.  However, the Jews need to be reminded that the main reason some Christians movements are supporting Israel is because they believe that the second coming – potential first coming for Jews – of Jesus will occur in their ancestral homeland.

Note to the evangelicals. Make sure Jesus has a birth cert linking him to King David this time out or the whole thing will go pear shaped again.

To be nailed to a cross once is unfortunate, but to to find yourself climbing up that hill being flogged by Roman centurions a second time is just carelessness.

Meantime, someone should have mentioned the above to the deluded followers of Harold Camping.  The California preacher predicted that last Saturday would be the end of days, courtesy of a rolling earthquake.

Hundreds of the mad fuckers followers sold their properties and donated their life savings to his Family Radio International in anticipation of being raptured into the heavens.  But the only rapture experienced on this planet last Saturday was by Leinster pilgrims witnessing their Lazarus-like second-half resurrection in the European Cup final in Cardiff.

Camping, who had been hiding out in a Motel for the last few days – this may have had something to do with the fact that most of his disciples want to slay him – resurfaced yesterday, and, confirming that he’s a few knives short of the full cutlery set, confessed that he miscalculated with the date.

“I didn’t work out the dates as accurately as I could have, “said the 89-year-old retired civil engineer, who insists that the financial plight of his followers are not his responsibility.  He’s also claiming that the rapture took place in the spiritual sense. Moreover, he now predicts that the new, improved, all-singing and all-dancing apocalypse will fall on October 21 – in the physical sense I presume.

This isn’t the first time he’s fucked up – leaving aside that saying he fucked up is implying by proxy that there was a possibility that he could have been right in the first place – with his doomsday predictions.  He predicted the world would end in 1994, but humanity survived that year despite Alex Ferguson being offered a new contract at Old Trafford.  His predictions involve applying numerological formulas to Bible yarns. According to Camping – and nobody will believe his radio right now, quite literally – May 21, 2011 is exactly 7,000 years since the biblical flood obliged Noah to build an ark.

Leaving aside all the lunacy, it’s hard not to feel sorry for his deluded followers, the victims of a scam courtesy of Camping who has build up a multi-million dollar “non profit” ministry based on his predictions.  Then again, best not feel sorry for them. Fools and their money are easily parted.

However, not everybody was disappointed by Camping and his predictions.  Bart Centre, an Atheist from New Hampshire, cleaned up after hundreds of lunatics forked out $135 each for him to look after their pets at his Eternal Earthbound Pets business after they were whisked up into the heavens. They’re all looking for their money back now.

But Bart insists he doesn’t do refunds and the pilgrims are a hopping and a lepping – Heaven knows they’re miserable now.  Meantime, October 21 is the date for the next ruptured rapture, or is it.

Apocalypse When Harold?

World Top Ten End of Days Predictors (note Munster,er, rugby is at number five)

 

The Millerites
Harold Camping, 1994
2012
William Branham and the Pentecostal Prediction
The Anabaptists of Munster
Late Great Planet Earth and Other Prophecy Books
Y2K
The Branch Davidians
Jehovah’s Witnesses
The Great London Fire of 1666

12 thoughts on “New end of days date, Oct 21. Repent.

  1. I know this is recycled, but it’s still funny …

    Sympathy letter to Harold Camping (what kind of a name is that anyway?)

    “Dear Harold

    So you made a mistake, we all do, it’s no big deal. It’s not the end of the world.

    Sincerely ….”

  2. ask northampton about the apocalypse Bock.

    @ 6.00 p.m. , 22:6 ahead ( just after half time – the end time
    predicted by the preacher man )

    and the 4 horse men appeared and young sexton did the rest.

    one of the lads sent us all a text @ 5:59 , telling is what he really
    thought about us.

    there’s an new opening for a bitter, cynnical, sad,
    sick and twisted individual to join our gang

  3. It would be nice to have a list of the engineering projects the mathematically challenged Mr Camping was involved in during his career, i.e. a list of bridges to bypass, buildings to stay away from.

  4. Camping’s mistake is no suprise. Here is a link to an audio from a spiritual group which is getting a lot of attention right now. They explain how Christianity follows a false image of Jesus and is the false religion Jesus warned about. This recording is apparently causing a lot of controversy! http://www.merkaba.org/audio/sing144000.htm

  5. You know, I thought he was just a silly old senile man looking for a bit of attention before he kicks the bucket.. but there’s a clip of him below blaming gay people for this judgement day horseshit.
    That pisses me off.
    He should be put in the funny farm where he can rant away to his hearts content to the other old fogies with half their marbles missing.
    You gotta love it though. No end of the world, just pick a new date.. nutters.

  6. FME, On the subject, BTR are having a “pray away the gay” get together at the Redemtorist Church on Friday evening.

    We plan to haul along a gay, sprinkle holy water on him and pray in his general direction until he’s redeemed.

    Friday’s rapture begins at 6/30pm with a prayer to the late Father Hehasthehandletornoutofhisstomach, the patron Saint of of advanced masturbation techniques, rampant heterosexuality and light haulage.

    Local musicians will be performing their version of Gloria Gaynor’s Gay anthem titled – “It’s debatable Whether You’ll Survive” and a unique take on Bank Robber by the Clash, featuring the lyrics “My Daddy was a Shirt Lifter/He just loved to live that way/And he wouldn’t shag My Mummy”, on the night.

    All are welcome Friday. God bless.

  7. Haha.. you lunatic..
    Will this gay man be naked and buff by any chance? I will pray for ye that ye don’t get any erection.. Or that they’re hidden well.

    God bless you too..

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.