Paul McShane’s Integrity. FIFA’s Corruption

Contrasts in style

Paul McShane was on the paper yesterday – the traditional cue for domesticated mice to fling themselves into their traps, the green light for our budgies to nail themselves to the bars of their cages.

The carrot-topped Irish defender is playing the Patriot Game. Outrageously, he’s of the opinion that if you’re called up for Ireland, that you should show up and represent your country. Fancy that.

The Wicklow-born stopper has been the butt of a lot of cruel jibes from Irish fans and the hairy-arsed reptiles on the sports desks over the last number of seasons.

Nicknamed Calamity McShane, he’s identified as the source of persistent anxiety for Irish fans. Some recoil in horror when the ball arrives at his feet, others let out an Edvard-Munch-like silent scream.

Others, allegedly, cut straight to the chase and top themselves, while one adult male, the Samaritans on speed dial, just bursts out crying, a gibbering wreck: “There, there sir, Richard Dunne has tidied up. The ball is in the other half now.”

“But they’ll return,” he wails.

And indeed they will return to lay siege to the beleaguered Irish goalmouth , provoking a reaction from Irish fans not dissimilar to the brooding reaction of a battery of hens upon finding a fox in their midst.

For when you’re sitting amongst thousands of sports fans, a totally paranoid bunch of people at the best of times, the least little thing can set off the gnawing of fingernails, in much the same way as a rustle in the undergrowth can spook a herd of wildebeest into a stampede.

Maybe it’s McShane’s shock of red hair. Or maybe it’s his wholehearted approach to the game. At times he appears to have abandoned all reason as he tears around the penalty area – not so much a loose cannon as a detached arsenal – a tsunami of collective trepidation trailing in his wake.

If we are to believe the reports, McShane is related to the non-league lunatic who had most of the fans at his particular club in such a state of consternation that they used to all exclaim the one word in unison when he received the ball.


Then again, maybe we’re just taking the urine. I reckon that Paul McShane – leaving aside his tendency to cross the heart sideways on the nation – is exactly the type of player we need.

For Paul McShane wears the Irish shirt with pride. And if I had a choice between him and the fuckers Stephen Ireland and Anthony Stokes, the Wicklow man would be in my starting eleven every time.

Meanwhile, the repellent Sepp Blatter was yesterday “elected” to office for a fourth term as President of football’s governing body.

Blatter, a virus attached to the hard-drive of the world’s most popular sport, was returned unopposed in Zurich after his two main rivals were suspended. How convenient.

FIFA, a collection of thieves, gangsters, liars, sycophants, sybarites and assorted bastards, is now being run like a third world dictatorship. It’s only a matter of time before the UN send in a team to oversee their elections.

Following a week in which almost everyone associated with FIFA have been accused of taking bribes, if most football fans had their way they’d send in a team of US Navy SEALs – with the same instructions they had when they entered Osama bin Laden’s compound.

The FIFA Ethics Committee – now there’s an oxymoron – have vowed to investigate all accusations of chicanery – and in breaking news the Papal Nuncio has just inked a three-year deal to play in central midfield with Glasgow Rangers.

The World of football was prepared to overlook FIFA’s various transgressions until they awarded the 2022 World Cup to Qatar. Most people ignored this at first. Under the impression that Qatar was a wrist watch they assumed it was a sponsorship deal.

Then we were assured that Qatar is an actual country, with temperatures of up to 50 in the summer. Qatari lizards only venture out in sombreros, slathered in sun block.

Holding the World Cup in this particular Arab Emirate is the equivalent of running the Winter Olympics in Barbados.

Speaking before yesterday’s “coronation”, Blatter, reacting to claims that he is an unmitigated fucker and that Qatar bought the World Cup with bribes, said that football’s governing body is not corrupt, not in crisis and there won’t be a new vote for the venue for the 2022 World Cup.

So you can now take it that FIFA is corrupt, is in crisis and that the 2022 World Cup won’t be held in the middle of a desert. With Blatter – who couldn’t be arsed making up proper lies anymore – it’s just a matter of reversing everything he says to arrive at the truth

“Our pyramid is intact, the base, the foundation is strong and together we have four years to continue on our path and do our job.We will put FIFA’s ship back on the right course in clear, transparent waters. We need some time to do it, but we shall do it,” he lied after he was elected for a fourth term.

Our neighbours England, backed by Scotland, were the only ones to raise an objection as the World’s football association’s – including, I presume, our own crew – shamelessly applauded Blatter.

The English and Scots were seeking to have the election postponed to enable an investigation into FIFA corruption but were isolated to pave the way for a dictator to sneer his way back onto the throne.

The game is up folks.

12 thoughts on “Paul McShane’s Integrity. FIFA’s Corruption

  1. agree with most of what you said ,but to call S.Ireland and Stokes fuckers is hugely understated

  2. Poor Paul Mcshane………..starts at Man U and drifts on to various clubs and possibly mediocrity and now he gets a write up on the same page as the clowns from fifa………the loud thud is probably paul hitting rock bottom.

    I was in south africa and witnessed officials from a small caribbean fa selling tickets at super inflated prices, fifa are rotten from the top down.

    I’ve been following England around for years but feel much the same about the english fa as I do about fifa.
    Silly lord treisman takes a girl to dinner and with the hope of getting into her knickers he tells her all about the evil doings of the world cup bid process, the only pity is he didn’t actually get into her knickers because if he did he might have found the microphone recording the whole conversation.

    The fifa guy from paraguay wanted either the FA cup named after him or a knighthood, the guy from thailand wanted a friendly with England played in Bangkok and the television rights and the guy from trinidad wanted all of haiti’s television rights for the world cup but at least the guy from argentina didn’t want much……only that the english fa organise the return of the malvinas………..and yet the english fa carried on with the “Back the Bid” programme like blind bats with bits of tape over their eyes and cotton wool stuffed into their ears.

    And the most recent stuff really couldn’t be made up…………the guy from Qatar is out in trinidad handing out bundles of $40’000 usd, he is being shown around by the caribbean boss fifa man who was actually backing captain blatter in the race for the presidential access codes to the swiss bank accounts.
    The general secretary admits to sending an email saying that Qatar bought the right to host the 2022 world cup but fantastically says that he only meant they used their huge financial budget to gain the right to host the 2022 world cup…………

    Sorry to rant so much the first time I posted on your site but anything to do with fifa can send me into a spit flying hissy fit.

  3. Great rant Jay- FIFA are like a Kafka novel, cept we’re not making it up. They’ll be out for Englnad’s blood after this and GB – next up they’ll want to abolish the England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland individual nations thingy and get y’all to enter the WC as Team GB.

  4. Don’t get me started lads, honestly. If anything comes on the tv about fifa my girlfriend will jump for the remote otherwise she knows the evening could be spoiled.

    England play the swiss tomorrow and the only thing I want to do is put a few beers on ice, hope England score 6 and that cap’n slap blatter is watching.


  5. So much for the 6 goals I was hoping for, England were lucky to get a draw.
    Congrats to the Rep of Ireland, that was a great result.

  6. It was a dirt poor performance from Ireland Jay, the points are welcome of course, but how a pro footballer, most on a least 30 grand a week, doesn’t have the ability to control the ball and pass it to a person wearing the same coloured jersey as himself is one of sports great mysteries. What are they doing in training all week. Did anyone show them a vid of Barcelona. Barca pass the ball to each other, shock, horror, and then proceed in an orderly fashion toward the opposition goal. When they get tired of passing it to each other they give it to Messi and he proceeds, by himself, toward the opposition goal. Football, its simplicity is its genius.

  7. To be honest mate I didn’t see the Ireland game, just thought it was a great result. It would seem at times that Ireland struggle or only barely qualify for a tournament but then they usually give you something to cheer about when you get there……..whereas England tend to do the opposite, with south africa being about the worse in living memory.

    I try hard at times not to rip into a team after a bad result, its entertainment after all, but a strange kind of entertainment……….its not like you would back for more if you went to see your favourite band and they played completely out of tune and seemed like they couldn’t really be bothered.

    The worst for me was in capetown for the England v Algeria game, we hiked up table mountain that morning and it was well worth it, we then hit the waterfront for some food and beers, it was a great day out, off we went to the green point stadium to see the most torturous frustrating 0-0 draw that just left us numb but then not long after we were in van on our way to blomfontein to see the England v Germany game thinking we can do this….we can do this………well…..we couldn’t F@#$^&* do it.

  8. What do you make of this Beckham exclusive interview during the WC Jay?

    “He told me to fuck off – so I did”, classic

  9. Very good mate, I hadn’t seen that before.

    Watching beckham at the world cup, I was trying to work out his role in the whole affair and the only thing I could think of was he was either a cheerleader or a fan with the best possible seat in the house.

    Still, the man could take a free kick tho.

  10. So mate, do you feel any better any Ireland after a 2-0 win over Italy ? again, I didn’t actually see the game but it certainly does look good on paper.

  11. Two great goals and a good results J, performance not great though. Still, only our second win against Italy, so why be churlish and bang on about the fact that our midfield couldn’t pass wind.

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