President Higgins, I Presume?

Michael D Higgins now seems certain to become the ninth president of Ireland after his closest rival, Seán Gallagher, conceded defeat.  In the end, he turned out to be the only candidate of the seven with sufficient credibility, but it was a close-run thing.  This time last week, we had a glib and insubstantial Fianna Fáil hack at the top of the polls, and it was only because he allowed his mask to slip on two talk shows that the electorate realised what a mistake they were about to make in voting for him.

Michael D Higgins is not the best president we could have elected, but he was the least worrying on the list.

Poor old David Norris descended into farce as he traversed the country with a fixed grimace, screaming about James Joyce.  Pity. I still gave him a vote though he hadn’t a prayer and he probably knew it, after the hatchet job done on him by certain journalists, not helped by his own posturing.

Mary Whatsit lost the election by demonstrating a complete lack of understanding about the role of president, at times straying into territory so touchy-feely ludicrous it was laughable, such as the idea of co-opting people with mental disabilities onto the Council of State.  Best of luck with that, Mary.  Good job you’re not in charge of our rugby team.

The country seems to hate Gay Mitchell.  Everybody took a dislike to him which I thought was unfair.  After all, he can’t help his shifty, rat-like appearance or his unpleasant, aggressive manner.

Martin McGuinness?  Well, he never stood a realistic hope of winning, but I suspect he’ll regard this as mission accomplished.  Another step towards improving the image of Sinn Féin.  We all knew that when people like Anne McCabe started issuing public statements, Martin’s goose would be cooked and he knew it too.

And then there was Dana, the Grassy Knoll candidate who stunned the nation by calling in the police after getting a puncture.

All in all, we’ve had a lucky escape.  Michael D won’t disgrace us, and that’s really all we could ask from this bunch.

27 thoughts on “President Higgins, I Presume?

  1. It just goes to show how close we came to that FFecker as president that he ran away with the postal vote.

  2. Haha.
    Spot on with Mitchell.I have to say,I nearly gave him my number 2,cos at least he’s accomplished.
    But after seeing his snappy-snappy routine on the Frontline when the public had the temerity to ask questions they thought were relevant,I gave it to Norris.
    And what the fucks the story with Gallaghers wife’s ubiquitous leather gloves?Was she going to alot of fancy dress parties as the Boston Strangler?

  3. ‘The country seems to hate Gay Mitchell. Everybody took a dislike to him which I thought was unfair. After all, he can’t help his shifty, rat-like appearance or his unpleasant, aggressive manner.’
    Heard he got a bit cranky all right. Time of the month maybe.
    He’d not make a good noddy at all.
    It was funny watching Vincent Brown taking the piss out of his PR/coaching woman – what’s her name Terry Prone or something, the other night.. The annoying aul bag who sounds like she’s a few gobstoppers in her mouth. Vincent kept on, who’d he get his coaching off, we should avoid them like the plague. He got a good skit off her.
    He’s such a hoot.

  4. Terry Prone is with the Bunny Carr school. They’re a top-class PR outfit, you know. Just look at the job they did on Gay Mitchell.

  5. Yeah spectacular.
    I wonder how the coaching thing works?
    He was probably withered by the end of it listening to Terry talking bollocks.

  6. Trust the bog of allen area to give the ex Soldier of Infamy one of his few constituency wins. Not to mention north tipp who are still aching for their ‘lost vegas..

  7. The poor old bugger is 70 years of age!do you think he will see out the first term,and Good Luck to him if he survives it,but if he pops his clogs,who is the next in line ?

  8. Bombollini, are you Italian?
    The president of Italy, Giorgio Napolitano, is 86, and started at age 81. He’s actually got some power to dissolve the parliament (which he has threatened to do with some of Silvio’s recent antics), so not completely a figurehead, and is well-respected.
    Beside him, Michael D is just a young’un, so it would be good to have a bit less of this ageism from the commentariat.

  9. “The poor old bugger is 70 years of age”. – So is Alex Ferguson.

    Anyway, thank fuck the best candidate won. The man is well educated and well mannered and will represent himself and Ireland with integrity and aplomb.
    Couldn’t say any of that about this half-filled boar’s scrotum called Seanie. It just beggars belief how he got so many votes. It was a betrayal by his supporters (in the electorate) of the unemployed and those that have been forced to emigrate due to the policies of his cronies.

    A naive and rotten shower indeed.

    Best of luck, President D.

  10. Clint Eastwood is 81. Silvio Berlusconi is 75. Leonard Cohen is 77. Mick Jagger is 68. Bob Dylan is 70.

    Poor old buggers.

  11. Glad Michael D got in. Heard him speak at a conference back in 2001 and he predicted that the economy would land on its arse one of the days as he saw couples trying to make ends meet despite having two jobs and he but a lecturer and a poet not an entrpreneur or an economist.

    You’re right TerryPrune, we in North Tipp can’t help embarrassing ourselves.

  12. Will Michael D, as a published poet, now sponsor a national poetry competition? The President’s Prize for Poetry? Yummy yummy. What do posters on this site think about poetry anyway? How many posters have bought 3 or more books of poetry during the past ten years? I exclude anthologies of filthy limericks.

  13. I have. But at the same time, I object to people describing themselves as poets. That’s for the reader to decide.

    Poetry can be great, but it also provides cover for every sort of fraud and charlatan to chance their arm.

  14. there was a young man called Gaye
    who felt he deserved his day
    he looked like a runt
    and acted like a cunt
    but thought he’d win anyway

  15. I think from now on we should only elect presidents who are 70 plus. That bastard gallagher would have cost us a fortune in pension payments had he been elected. yeah only 70 plus or alternatively presidents should be only allowed live for a maximum of 5 years after the end of their term

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