Bring Back Satire

The Prof is getting wound up about absurdities. Who knew ridiculous things could happen in Ireland?

Where, many people ask me, has the Irish tradition of satire gone? This is after all the land of Swift and a place where the curse of a bard, that he would sing satirical songs about you, was a powerful force in keeping the upper classes in some semblance of order in Celtic times. They have a point : we could do with some satire, to whet the mind of incipient Myles na gCopaleens.  Northern Ireland is blessed with the demented wit and literary genius of Colin Bateman. We need someone to take up the mantle of Juvenal, Rabelais, Twain and to become an Irish Colbert (Stephen, not Jean-Baptiste) or Stewart (Jon, not the scottish soi-disant Kings).

There is no shortage of material.  Although a dull dog for the most part, I have racked my brains (all economists have two, the rational and the normal one) and come up with some ideas.

  • A left-wing union oficial demands the immediate bailing out of the country by the IMF.
  • The left want an outcome that will enforce immediate budget balancing while the right want to continue to spend more than we earn as a nation.
  • The prime minister goes on a charity climb to raise funds for services he has presided over cutting back.
  • A man in supreme moral authority claims to be unaware as a 36 year old of the effects of child rape and orders raped children to be silenced to protect them.
  • A state pours billions for two decades into a bank that never makes a loan and never takes a deposit.
  • In order to not nationalise the banking system the state takes steps to ensure that they nationalise the banking system.
  • A man gets elected to parliament on the basis that he will allow people to continue to strip-mine a wasting resource.
  • A man gets elected to parliament on the basis that he will build a massive casino in the middle of nowhere.
  • The state demands that a man who has no legs appear regularly before a doctor to ensure that he is still disabled.
  • Despite a massive property crash, the state makes it illegal to tell people what property prices are.
  • A bankrupt state gives billions to a bankrupt state agency to allow people lose money on the property market via negative equity guarantees.
  • With no functioning banking system and people facing falling income, and with a hundred thousand or more unsold houses, the central bank insists that the housing market is massively undervalued.
  • A man gets 6 years for smuggling garlic while rapists get the same.
  • An organisation that was rife with organized, systemic, institutionally covered up paedophilia gets to control over 90% of primary education.
  • The state pays tens of millions of euro to store equipment it never used and which it never will.
  • Bankrupt property developers say that they need to keep a massive luxury car fleet to impress people who might lend them money
  • A finance minister solemnly tells a group of international bankers that there is no danger of capital flight as we are an island.
  • While presiding over cuts and increased taxes on one part of an island a political party decries the same cuts and taxes on another part.

These are just a few random thoughts. I’m sure people would laugh themselves sick at the preposterous nature of the scenarios but sure that’s the point of satire.  Isn’t it?


16 thoughts on “Bring Back Satire

  1. Thanks Peter. I had to think long and hard about these…:)

  2. Brilliant post Brian!
    The list could be endless.
    I reckon Vincent’s our man.
    He’s a bit rough around the edges alright.. bit of dax hair wax and some charm school and we could make a Colbert out of him yet! :)

    Ha. Daft – Good one.

  3. You could add a few more, like ,I want a bigger house as I have 8 kids and no job but want more kids…

  4. Brilliant Brian. I always thought Moncrief could do a good job at this if he were given good writers.

    Snookertony, an ad on this website will not solve the problem. Noynoy Aquino getting rid of corruption and then eliminating poverty will solve the problem. Cause and effect. Cause: poverty. Effect: sex tourism. Besides, I doubt Bock hand picks the ads that pop up.

  5. I don’t pick the ads but I can block categories which I’ve now done, so let’s get back on topic and move on.

  6. That’s brilliant and extremely amusing except that it isn’t? As the person with absolutely no imagination said “LOL”

  7. Former CEO of now nationalised Irish Permanent Life Support bank has commented on the criticism surrounding his retirement saying “It was a tough decision. Retirement is not all it’s cracked up to be. I know it will be difficult spending alot of time with the wife but you know but I did not want to be held accountable and besides the few million I got is some comfort”

  8. The Government funds charities to lobby them for more funding. In Ireland on average, for every €100 that comes in, €80 is spent on its people and their salaries and expenses.

  9. I saw satire making a comeback in an ad in the Irish Independent today.

    It turns out that Sean Gallagher is speaking at a High Achievers conference soon. It’ll only cost you the bones of €400 on the door too.

    That’s good.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.