Becoming an Ethnic Minority

Yoll na ammegrach ta herpull yek chenchul fengerach.  Sa ef herpullents dar horentser ta blerter frailastsists flen pulanturl trovailhts sa fiven.

What am I talking about?

Well, I decided to become an ethnic minority, and in order to do that, I need a few important identifiers.  For one, I need my traditional customs, but that’s no problem.  Everyone knows my habits. They’re well-established and they define me uniquely.  I habitually do crazy things and I have vitally-important rituals.  For instance, my culture forbids getting out of bed before 11 on Saturday mornings.

The other thing I need is a language, so I made one up.  I call it Klurbentns, though its real name is Floertchllunen.  Now, I realise that a language, in order to be a defining characteristic of an ethnic minority, needs to be shared and that’s why I consulted my children.

Har tra cuin flamselerallegr?  I said to my daughter.

Strarmellink!  she replied without hesitation

My son was equally adamant.  Yaarnt flarnst heb cluoilantinken, he shouted.

Please, I urged him.  Mind your language.

Trivlull, he apologised.

I’m not sure where to apply, but there has to be a grant in this somewhere.  A bit of cash to protect us before our culture dies out completely, which would be fertankullent.

I haven’t been oppressed yet, but I’ll be working on that during the week, and with any luck when I come back to you next week, I’ll have been brutally disadvantaged by the system, and substantially richer.  Let’s wait and see.


24 thoughts on “Becoming an Ethnic Minority

  1. I’ll opress you if you like,then we can share the grants and any other perks you get.Contact me now.

  2. Once Sheskin begins the process of oppression, you will be able to access EU funding and join international networks and attend symposia. If I were to make a suggestion for a suitable location, San Sebastian is a particularly attractive venue for a symposium.

  3. Warning-pedant alert.
    “Fertankullent”? I’m afraid that’s incorrect. It’s a common mistake, but you’ve used the past participle here. It should read “fertankullins”.

  4. Not a fascist dear boy, merely an ardent supporter of correct grammar. You’ll note that Mr. Bock has appreciated my correction.
    Pip pip!

  5. Of course, a real ethnic minority would have a split between the traditionalists and the assimilators. Being accessible online is a mark of assimilation. Traditionalists would only be accessible to researchers who came among them and learned their songs and poems (and were avenues for grants).

  6. Might there be opportunities for a research grant for me to study your culture. Get me the grant Bock and I’ll find whatever you want me to find, using shocking statistics to prove anything !

    Epidemiology Rules OK ……

  7. You must come and live among me. Learn my ways and customs. Endure the initiation rituals with fortitude. Only then will you be ready for Grant.

  8. Here is a little folk song I have written , if it helps.
    Yek sa dar
    yek sa dar
    Ta bleater sa fiven
    Yoll na flen
    yoll na flen
    Ta herpull sa horen.
    Woe betide anyone who corrects the grammar.

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