Christmas Jumpers

Christmas jumpers. What’s that about? 

Christmas-Jumper

You’re just settling into a friendly chat when here come Keith from Accounts, Orla from HR, Sinéad from IT, Declan from Quality Control, Mike from Health & Safety, Sarah from Sales, Jagdip from Customer Support and forty three more.  They’re all wearing woolly jumpers and reindeer antlers.  They all have shiny lights on them and they’ve never been inside the door of your favourite pub before tonight.

But here they are, all drunk, all shouting their heads off, all leaning into your personal space, pissing you off and spoiling the experience for the people whose plan is not to get drunk out of their heads and behave like utter knob-ends.

What’s more, they’re led by a control freak who’s getting the thrill of his life out of issuing orders about the drinks they must consume and the time they must spend in your favourite pub, before ordering them on to the next.  This arsehole, in all likelihood, has no authority in the real world, for good reasons.

When they leave, they’ll try to steal everything that isn’t nailed down, as souvenirs.

You want to kill all these strangers and you wish the proprietor of your favourite watering hole would ban them, but of course, he’ll tell you they bring money with them, even if they leave after one drink.  The question is, how many paying customers did they drive away?

I’m one of those who left and went home.  Any others?

9 thoughts on “Christmas Jumpers

  1. It wasn’t the wooly jumpers did it.
    They’re delightful.
    A perfectly normal human condition is the culprit, you even spotted it yourself.
    I call it ‘stupid’.

  2. the 12 bars of christmas is what i think it is called. rules apply to each bar you visit. eg in one bar you can only hold drink in the right hand. hold it in the left , and you must throw back a short as a forfeit potential to get very messy..
    i think saturday was national christmas jumper day in england. seems sales of thoses yokes have rocketted this year.

  3. Could these people be the same ones who can get tickets to the home quarter final of the rugby or the all Ireland final?

  4. Two beefy bouncers was batin’ one of them with an oar outside the door of my local d’other night.

    “Do you need a hand?” says I as the lights were going out – one by one – on his jumper.

    “Nah, nearly done, but thanks for the offer,” said one of the bouncers.

    “Stay still you bastard.”

  5. I wonder was it a trick by the Hallmark type companies and will we all be recieving cards soon inviting us out on nights out

    Penneys cashed in 3 years ago by actually putting “12 pubs of Christmas” on a jumper

  6. In years to come, Business Studies teachers will be explaining the concept of Opportunity Cost using the example of the publican’s choice when faced with the marauding hordes of 12 Pubgoers at their door.

  7. Check out tipsyelves.com. One of the founders left this 200 grand a year job to get this going..

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