Now that Ireland is back on its feet and the chatterati are feeling free to wander out again with their organic Dolce & Gabbana Himalayan toad-skin crystal-purses, we’re all about the sympathy. We’re much better now than we used to be in the brash years when we were exploiting au pairs. We’ve learned our lesson.
So I was thinking.
Since the current wave of Syrian refugees is predominantly middle class, why not set up a service matching refugees to hosting families?
People from certain leafy suburbs wouldn’t like to be shocked by discovering that their refugee was only a bricklayer or a taxi driver back in Damascus and you could understand that. How could they expect the children to be driven to the Gaelscoil by somebody with no professional qualifications? There are more victims in this tragedy than just the refugees.
So here’s what I was thinking, to make sure the citizens of South Dublin don’t suffer too much from the Syrian crisis.
I was thinking we could set up a system based on social cleansing.
The Irish naval ships in the Mediterranean could apply a questionnaire to weed out refugees who are in any way working class. I’m not suggesting that they should be sent back to Syria, but maybe they could be dropped off in Greece, or someplace with poverty.
After that, when our selected refugees arrive in Ireland, we could invite participating families to bid for their Syrian of choice. Obviously, some families will prefer a dentist while others would prefer to have a doctor polishing their car. Families with secondary-school children might want to have a mathematics teacher while others would prefer to have a retired professor of archaeology, though obviously that would depend on how capable the professor would be of cleaning the floors and keeping the grounds generally tidy. You wouldn’t want a lazy professor hanging around the house.
I’m going to set up a website. RateMySyrian.
It’s a win-win. If you don’t like your Syrian, you can swap him for a Syrian somebody else doesn’t want.
We can set up a secondary market in unwanted Syrians.
What could possibly go wrong?