Ah, the French Revolution, that magnificent upheaval that cast off the aristocratic oppressors and sparked a new age of tolerance. Liberté, Egalité and of course Fraternité informed the whole endeavour, culminating in that magnificent Socialist icon Francois Hollande, a man who once claimed to hate the rich.
It now emerges that Francois has a barber on his staff, an artist paid €10,000 a month, to make sure the Presidential coiffure never goes limp.
Ten grand a month! Can you believe that? A barber is paid ten thousand euros a month to hang around looking enigmatic and unshaven, sulkily smoking a Gaulois, and occasionally snipping the stray wisps of a man who might shortly have no hair at all.
Did the original Sun King spend as much on his court coiffeur to shave his head once a week so that his wig would fit without too much sweat? One doubts it and yet the new Socialist Sun King deems such expenditure appropriate to keep his receding, greying thatch dyed and trimmed.
I have news for Francois le Grand, le Roi Nouveau Soleil: Your hair is shite. It’s complete shite. Why are you paying that hairdresser four times the average French wage to sit around all month for one haircut?
You have awful hair, Francois. It’s terrible.
Surely Ségolène told you how awful your thatch is, or perhaps that was what caused your dreadful rift?
Get a grip, Frank. Shave your head. For once in your life be cool.
And while you’re at it, sack that silly coiffeur.